Sex is supposed to bring us joy and pleasure, but more often than not sex is filled with worry, stress, and anxiety. The topic of sex is very complicated and it’s completely normal for every individual to have their different hangups and challenges about sex at different stages of life. If you do have sexual challenges that concern you, it may be time to chat to a professional and address the concerns. But before you do, read on and you may find that your worry is actually very common, and that perhaps you just need to stop worrying, let go, and start having more fun.
#1 I want sex too much, or too little
Firstly, there is no right amount of sex to be had. Some people love sex all day, everyday. Others like it once or twice a month. You’ve got to let go of societal expectations, and embrace what’s right for you. If you feel like your lover wants it more or less than you, then you need to communicate that with them, and learn to compromise. It’s also important to take into account that your libido will go up and down throughout life, and that’s ok.
#2 I’m weird because I like X, Y & Z
Many of us feel that what we are into is weird or kinky, but in actual fact, most sexual behaviours are very common. Dirty talk, dirty fantasies, BDSM etc are all very common. My opinion is that as long as the sex is between two (or more) consenting adults, and that no one getting harmed, then go for it, and enjoy! Stop worrying about what others think, and have the courage to ask your lover for what you want in bed, you may be surprised at how many others enjoy the same type of sex as you.
#3 My body doesn’t look sexy
Firstly, what exactly is sexy? I believe we have the media and porn to blame for images of skinny women and buff men and then we feel like that is how we are supposed to look like naked. My version of sexy is someone who radiates confidence in who they are - a woman or man who embraces their body and their lifestyle choices, and who owns their desire for sex and intimacy. If you find yourself sleeping with someone who criticises your body, then it’s time to move on and find a lover who embraces you just that way you are.
This article was published in Juliet's regular Saturday column in the Gold Coast Bulletin 11th April 2015