As a young woman I experimented with my sexuality freely, openly and with confidence. When reflecting on my first sexual experience it was with a girl, we were both 14 years old.
Entering womanhood I found myself enjoying sex with both men and women, but mostly men. I was lucky enough to fall in love with more than one man during my twenties and at age 24 I was blessed with becoming a Mum to my beautiful daughter. I was in a loving relationship and happy and yet I knew deep down that I still had more to experience, more to explore.
During these years of exploration and change I never questioned my sexual attractions; instead I embraced myself as a sexual being and encouraged others to do the same. My long-term relationship ended and I expressed my desires and fantasies openly to my new sexual partners and always felt a deep respect and love from those whom I shared myself with.
Within my friendship circle I was the friend who kissed other girls at parties, who openly admitted enjoying the softness of another woman. Often friends would ask me if I could see myself one day falling in love with a woman. My response was always the same, ‘Women are beautiful, I love being intimate and sexual with women, but I could never be in a serious relationship with a woman.’ I remember saying this over and over. At the time, it was the right answer to give.
Reflecting on my comments I realise that I had a fairytale fantasy to uphold; fall in love with the ‘man of my dreams’ and live happily ever after with a house full of children. Obviously the possibility of falling in love with a woman didn’t fit comfortably into this fairytale and so I dismissed the idea altogether.
Then, at age 29, I met her. At age 31 I am still endlessly in love with her.
She gets excited about hot sexy lingerie, day spas and happy endings. She smells like fruity shampoo and freshly sunned skin. Her body is smooth, tanned and clean. She leaves me love notes, takes me to 5-star luxury hotels midweek and embraces me with the utmost love when I’m being a moody high-maintenance bitch/goddess. She’s a woman, she’s not what I’m used to when it comes to commitment and relationship, but she’s now my Everything, my Beloved.
Being with a woman romantically and sexually doesn’t automatically put me into the ‘lesbian’ or ‘bisexual’ box. It means I am open to love and now open to sharing my life with another soul, regardless of their gender or sexual identity.
I believe sexuality is fluid, meaning that throughout our lifetime it is normal and natural for people to explore their sexuality, identifying as either all or nothing in the LGBTIQ alphabet.
Falling in love with a woman was unexpected; it challenged my fairytale ideal and challenged my sexual identity. And yet, it has been by far the most intimate, loving and passionate relationship that I have encountered and I feel truly grateful that I opened myself up and let her in, that she chose me, just as I have chosen her.