I’m a big fan of self-pleasure; I was fortunate enough to discover my ‘pleasure spot’ at a young age and haven’t looked back since. I feel truly blessed that masturbation feels natural and that making myself cum has always been relatively easy.
Over the years though, I have discovered many women who have had a rough trot with masturbation; stories of shame and guilt (often somewhat associated with religion, surprise surprise), of the inability to reach orgasm through self-pleasure and women who just don’t feel the desire to pleasure themselves at all. All of the above feelings are completely normal and, if they resonate with you, believe me; you are not alone.
With this in mind I have 3 simple self-pleasure tips that I want to share with you today. These tips are aimed at women who want are interested in self-pleasure, yet feel like they don’t know where to begin:
1. Put aside time alone
This may sound tricky, especially if you’re like me and have a child and partner and work from home. But, if self-pleasure is important to you, then it’s time to schedule it into your calendar and put it at the top of your to-do list. When you’ve set aside the time, shut the doors and windows (or keep them open, if that’s your thing), turn your phone off, settle down in a comfy spot and get naked. Breathe. It’s time to focus on your own pleasure, nobody else’s.
2. Use organic coconut oil to massage your vulva
Coconut oil is my all-time favourite natural lubricant (aside from natural vaginal lubricant, of course). Coconut oil smells luscious and feels amazing. Take a spoon-full in your hand and begin massaging it into your vulva. Take the time to notice what feels good for you. Every woman is different when it comes to self-pleasure, it’s important that you don’t compare yourself to anyone, or anything else. You are unique and so is your vulva and pleasure spots. Explore how your vulva reacts to different touch; fast, slow, rough, gentle – do what feels good for you.
3. Now focus on your clitoris
After a gentle vulva massage you may be feeling turned-on (or not, either way you are taking time out for YOU, and that’s what counts). Take your fingers or a vibrator and focus on stimulating your clitoris. Did you know the clitoris is the only organ in the human body that is solely there for pleasure?! Most women have to be directly stimulating their clitoris to reach orgasm, so it’s important that you get to know how your clitoris likes to be touched, massaged and played with. You may find a certain kind of touch creates sexual pleasure, if this is the case; keep going! You may be very close to the BIG-O. Others might like the feel of clitoral touch, but find it a challenge to climax. This is common and normal and if you don’t orgasm that’s completely ok! Remember the point of this exercise is to get to know the most intimate part of your body. Make this practice a regular on your weekly schedule and you’ll be surprised at how it contributes to your overall feeling of happiness and wellbeing!