Masturbation is whatever you make of it.
It can be as simple as closing one’s eyes, delving into fantasy and reaching orgasm within seconds. Other times it can be a deeply spiritual practice that includes conscious breath work and a sacred sexual ritual. Neither way is right or wrong, what matters is that you enjoy the experience and feel absolutely amazing while you’re doing it.
But let’s face it, sometimes masturbation gets a little, shall we say, over complicated and ‘stuff’ comes up (pardon the pun). More often than not overthinking comes into play, or boredom kicks in, or your trusty old fantasy that you’ve used since high-school just isn’t turning you on.
Which brings me to my top five tips to better self-loving:
Sounds simple doesn’t it? The truth is, we live in a very busy world. We work hard, we play hard and even when we do get time to relax we often have a phone in our hand scrolling through the lives of others on social media. My advice: stop. Put your phone away. Lock the front door. Close the blinds (or leave them open, if that’s your thing). Breath. Enjoy being still. Get Naked. Enjoy the sound and scent of your own body.
2. Let Go Of Pressure
Let go of the pressure to orgasm within seconds. In fact, let go of orgasm as the goal and focus of your self-loving all together! Putting pressure on yourself to reach orgasm often destroys any chance of it ever happening! Let go, enjoy touching and exploring what feels good. You’ll find that as soon as you release the pressure of reaching the Big-O, the juices will flow! Simply Relax. Breath. Be patient. Self-pleasure and knowing what turns you on takes time. You are your own teacher, soon to be your own Master.
3. Get Creative
Yep, get creative with what turns you on. Not sure what turns you on? Every single person is different. What turns on your girlfriend, boyfriend, friend, or lover may not be what works for you, and that’s ok. Masturbation is about you, and only you. It’s your chance to use your imagination and get creative with your sexual fantasies. Or get creative with what porn you choose to watch or what erotic literature you choose to read. No-one has to know about your own personal self-loving session, only you. Make it your own. Get to know what gets your juices flowing.
4. Release Any Feelings of Guilt or Shame
Easier said than done, right? Every individual has their own ‘stuff’ that comes up when it comes to masturbation. It’s completely normal and Ok to spend time exploring why you feel guilt or shame surrounding the normal and natural practice of self-love. Childhood experiences, religious beliefs, parental attitudes, and past relationships often have a big influence on any guilt and shame that we feel. It’s important to know that exploring your own body is a normal, natural and beautiful part of life. But if you feel like shame and guilt are stopping you from moving forward sexuality coaching or therapy may help. Or perhaps just reading this article will help you move forward freely and give you the permission to pleasure yourself.
5. Explore Your Body
Explore what feels good, what turns you on. Notice how your body reacts to touch. Touch your whole body. Take a mirror, get to know what you look like. Don’t be afraid to watch yourself, watch how your body reacts in colour, size, texture, scent, natural lubrication. Enjoy taking time to feel what feels good.
This article was published in Elephant Journal on March 18, 2014.