As a sexologist and lover it’s become apparent to me that most people are engaging in sex for one thing; to experience the 'genital sneeze', also known as orgasm. Two (or more) people begin their sojourn with minimal kissing and touching, and before they know it BOOM, they reach orgasm and everything is over. Good night.
I know lots of you reading this you may be thinking ‘Yeah, so what? Sounds good to me!’ and I get what you’re saying … orgasm does feel amazing and there’s so much emphasis in the media on having ‘mind blowing orgasms’ that why wouldn’t we all aim for that? Well, I’m here to tell you that if you keep just having sex to reach orgasm, you’re missing the point of sex itself.
Sex is also about connection, intimacy and love (not always, but for many it’s about making love). Many clients come to me and report that sex is boring … it’s quick and very orgasm focussed and there’s something missing. Often my clients can’t pinpoint what is missing, but they know that there must be more to sex than what they’re experiencing. That something is the connection and intimacy that they unconsciously desire with their partner/lover and they don't know it's missing because they've never experienced it before.
I'm not saying quick sex isn't fun and easy... I agree there’s definitely a time and a place for it. But the rewarding sex is when you put time aside for your lover, and you both take time to get to know each other on a whole new level. I’m talking the type of sex that moves you to tears… the sex when your eyes are locked and you literally feel like everything else in the world has stopped… there’s no time to think about work, or what to cook for dinner etc… it’s just you and your lover/s enjoying each other without any expectations or need to climax. This is the sex that we should all be aiming for. This is the sex that changes our lives and allows us to experience intimacy and connection that shakes our world upside down and gives us a glimpse into why sex is called making love.