Are you ready to take sex and intimacy to a whole new level? Do you feel like there’s something missing from your existing sex life? Or perhaps you’re craving a deeper and more powerful level of connection with your lover but can’t quite seem to reach it?
Enter Tantric Sex. A conscious way of fucking that gives sex a whole new level of deliciousness and meaning.
Tantra means different things to different people, today I’m offering you my favourite definitions and a few easy ways that you can begin to integrate Tantra into your sex life.
My top 3 definitions of ‘Tantra’:
‘Choosing with awareness what brings us joy’
‘Being totally present, yet totally out of control’
‘Seeing the body as a true temple’
Here’s some simple and powerful Tantric techniques that will make the world of difference when you are next making love to your lover/beloved/partner:
Create A Sacred Space
A sacred space (usually the bedroom)is a temple space that is primarily used for making love and sleeping. Begin by clearing the energy in the bedroom by burning sage and incense on a daily basis. Get rid of clutter and unnecessary low vibration items such as TV’s and computers. Spoil yourself with beautiful bed linen, scented candles, crystals and sensual lighting. This space is where the magic happens, take the time to make it feel and look beautiful.
Look Deeply Into Your Lover’s Eyes
There is nothing more powerful than deep presence and eye gazing. Begin your love making session by looking deeply into each other’s eyes. This may feel uncomfortable and silly at first, especially for those who have never experienced it. But trust me, the eyes are the gateway to the soul, and maintaining a good amount of eye contact during sex is amazingly powerful and connective on so many levels. A good sign that someone is comfortable in their own skin and soul is that they can maintain eye and presence while making love.
Indulge In Tantric Massage
Tantric massage isn’t just a regular massage, it’s about using sensual touch and sensation to evoke feeling and emotion in each other. Begin by facing your lover down (lying on their front) and touching and kissing them all over … eventually begin touching their inner thighs, buttocks and genitals. Touch is a powerful way to excite and build sexual energy. Once you’ve massaged your lover’s back, turn them over gently and begin massaging their front. Remember to always begin massaging their non-erroneous zones before making your way to their nipples, genitals, chest and inner thighs. Tantric massage isn’t about the goal of orgasm, it’s simply about exploring touch and sensation through massage. Don’t rush, take your time and use your intuition with where you feel you should be touching.
Use Breath, Sound & Movement
It’s easy to forget just how powerful breath, sound and movement is. It’s such a simple practice, and yet it gets overlooked. This is because most of us are stressed & overworked and so we spend our lives only breathing into our chest (a stress breath).
Begin practicing deep belly breathing. Imagine your tummy is blowing up like a balloon every time you inhale. Practice this on a daily basis, not just when you’re making love. Now use that breathing to connect deeply with your lover. Sit in front of each other for a moment and cycle your breathing between you (if you’re interested in going deeper, learn about the microcosmic orbit breath).
Now bring in sound. When you exhale allow sound to move through you … it doesn’t have to be ‘sexy’ sound either, it can be a deep moan, a roar, a soft whimper, a cry … sound activates our sex centre, don’t be afraid to express through sound when making love.
Breathe, sound and move. These are the key elements of Tantric sex … using breath, sound and movement is like a subtle, beautiful dance between you both.
Sit in Yab Yum Pose
Yab Yum is a traditional tantric pose whereby the man sits cross leggedand the female sits down on top of his legs facing him (this can be clothed or naked). Breathe together and eye gaze. Allow your bodies to melt into each other. Take your time. Tantric sex is not about reaching the end goal of orgasm, it’s about enjoying every single little moment and sensation. It’s about connecting on a much deeper and more intimate spiritual level than you would with regular everyday sex. Yab Yum is a beautiful intimate position that allows for closeness, deep intimacy and heart connection.
Finish gently with presence and love
When your tantric love making concludes, take your time to embrace each other and don’t rush to ‘clean up’ and break the energy field. We can often get caught in the trap of jumping up and showering, throwing condoms out etc etc … leave that for the moment and simply enjoy the peace and softness of the aftermath of sex. And a side note for the men; your woman wants you to witness her and hold her … this could quite possibly be the most important part of tantric sex … literally holding her, nurturing her and allowing her to surrender to you … no need to be anywhere else. Reality is, Tantric love making doesn’t ever officially finish … it’s an energy and a feeling that can last for days (whether you are physically together or not).
This article was originally published in Elephant Journal on December 1st, 2016
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