Women On Top is an interview series that features everyday women from around the globe and asks them straight-to-the-point questions about their sexuality. Women On Top aims to inspire and grow a community of women who learn and grow from each other's sexual stories and wisdom. This week I interviewed Elaine about sexuality as life force energy, sexual fantasy, what she loves about her body, what turns her on and her self-pleasure rituals.
Name: Elaine Young
Sexual Orientation: Freesexual
Loving, living fully and feeling it all ... the full joy and the full sorrow of life. To be known and to be in deep connection with my body, soul and heart. To love others deeply. To have fun. To share my gifts with others through Tantra, Shamanism, Breathwork and Somatic Sexology so they can also live fully. To always be grateful for the time and life I have and not to let it slip by un-lived.
What was the message your mother gave you about sex as a little girl?
That it was important, good, a bit naughty and healthy.
Can you identify a moment when you feel you officially entered womanhood?
Mmm ... I am not entirely sure, that is a tricky one.
How important do you believe it is to embrace your sexuality as a woman?
I feel it is so important as sexuality is about so much more than sex ... this is our life force energy which supports and fuels all of our creations and expressions. In saying this, I feel to caveat that this needs to be from a genuine desire to embrace it from within ourselves. I do feel a rage around women being told they should 'be sexy’ and that is not the same.
How important is self-pleasure to you?
Critical to the well being of my body, soul, emotions and mind ... and to my healthy equal engagement with others sexually.
What are three things you love about your body (that perhaps you've struggled with in the past)?
My legs, when I was a teenager I thought they were too skinny and tried to hide them. I used to wear 3 pairs of thick woolly socks to make them look fatter.
My eyes, I love them now as I feel they bare my soul at times and allow others to see beyond the outer me. When I was younger they were quite small and little bit slanted and some boys at school teased me about them.
My skin, I love the texture and feel of my skin all over my body.
What are three things you look for in a lover?
Presence, open heartedness and alive connected sex/sens-uality.
What inspires you to make love and enjoy sex (either alone, or with a partner)? Do you feel more inclined to enjoy sex at certain times of the day/month/year?
I am inspired to make love, because it allows me to feel fully alive. I have a huge capacity for pleasure in my body and I understand that pleasure is healing for me in so many ways. Also, I love to feel the trance like state of high arousal, like a little death and rebirth with every pleasurable sensation and orgasm. I lose myself, I don't have the space or desire to think, this is deeply restful. I love to feel the deep intimate connection with another; their body, their heart, their soul and their energy. Whatever time of day/month/year the authentic desire arises!
What turns you on? Like REALLY turns you on?
Many things turn me on … kissing, dancing, energetic sex, biting sometimes, sexy clothes, uniforms, someone capable of sharing great touch and intense connection on every dimension, teasing, taking things slowly, bondage, being restrained, impact play, having sex in forbidden places, role play, being ravished total in submission/surrender.
Do you have any particular women in your life who inspire you to be a sexually empowered woman?
All women in my family, who were not sexually free that came before me.
Do you have any reoccuring sexual fantasies/deep desires? Tell us more:
Many ... I have used sexual fantasy as a turn on for many years. At times, this has been quite unhealthy as it was really using my mind's turn on to turn on my body. I am now so much more aware of how fantasy can be used to make up for lack of sensation in the body, almost creating a fake superficial turn on. So nowadays I use sexually fantasy only in a conscious way with awareness. When explored in this way alone or with others it can be fun, liberating and exciting. I have a number of sexual fantasises that I would actually like to happen. And I have some where I like playing with the idea of something … the mind fantasy or in a game with a partner, but that I would not actually want to happen in real life. Often my fantasies include restraint, naughty forbidden sex and more than one person.
What rituals do you have for self-care and self-love?
I like to take my time, create a beautiful space, dance, sing and make a lot of noise. I include touch of my whole body, sometimes I play with mirrors to witness myself , sex magic and sometimes I pray.
How can people connect with you? IG? FB? Website?
FB - Elaine Young