Women On Top is an interview series that features everyday women from around the globe and asks them straight-to-the-point questions about their sexuality. Women On Top aims to inspire and grow a community of women who learn and grow from each other's sexual stories and wisdom. This week I interviewed Bonnie about her career as a Yoni Mapping Therapist, the moment of her first bleed (and how that impacted her as a woman), her thoughts on self-pleasure, and what qualities she looks for in a lover.
These days I don't identify with labels in either relating or sexual orientation. I'm a highly sexual being, but for me sexuality isn't limited to how I relate with other humans. I can have a beautiful orgasmic experience feeling the wind on my skin at the beach, or the dirt beneath my feet walking in the forest. Some of the most profound sexual experiences of my life didn't involve other people at all but were related to my connection with myself and life in general.
I'm a Yoni Mapping Therapist (aka Vagina Massage Specialist) and Co-Creatress of The Yoniverse - a series of workshops and retreats that I teach with Elise Savaresse about vaginas, intimacy, sexuality, touch and embodiment. I'm currently focused on putting together my Yoni Mapping Practitioner Training for 2017.
What was the message your mother gave you about sex as a little girl?
I actually have a terrible memory and don't remember much of my childhood, maybe I've blocked it all out! Sex wasn't directly shamed or repressed in my family, but wasn't celebrated either. I remember feeling like it was just something you don't talk about with your mother. These days my mum knows what I do and we have pretty open conversations about sex, which feels deeply nourishing and healing for me.
Can you identify a moment when you feel you officially entered womanhood?
I feel like the moment of my first bleed was a special time - I wish it was honoured more. Unfortunately I was staying at my father's house at the time (my parents divorced when I was 5).
I found some blood when I was in the toilet, and went to my Dad, telling him I'd started bleeding and asking him to drive me to the shop to buy some pads. He totally freaked out, screaming and swearing. Obviously he just felt really awkward and didn't know what to do. He kept saying: "This is a disaster! I knew this would happen when you were at my place!"
Years later I read that how we are met and related to at that special moment when we start bleeding can impact how we see ourselves as women later in life. I definitely feel this experience left an imprint on me. Even now, when I bleed each month there's sometimes this momentary feeling of panic or shock, I need to remind myself that it's natural and beautiful and it's supposed to happen!
How important do you believe it is to embrace your sexuality as a woman?
It's essential. It's so easy to become disconnected from our sexuality - the pattern is often to avoid / deny / repress / numb or shame that aspect of ourselves. However sexual energy is the energy that creates life, it's the energy we were born from, so we are all inherently sexual beings. I believe that when we deny it, we deny an essential part of who we are - which deeply impacts our lives and other people around us. When we are fully connected to our sexuality we feel free, awakened, inspired, open, relaxed and orgasmic. When I'm in that place, I don't want to obsess over things that don't matter, buy stuff I don't need, pick fights with loved ones, or scroll Facebook for hours (all things I've done a lot before!). I become more alive, I have more energy and feel more connected to the essence of who I am.
How important is self-pleasure to you?
Self pleasure is one of the cornerstones of what I teach and how I live. We so often expect a partner to give us pleasure, but when we are not connected to our own bodies, when we don't know ourselves sexually, we are missing out on a huge part of what's possible.
For me self pleasure isn't "masturbation" - going for a quick clitoral orgasm to release some energy, like I used to do! It's all about enjoying being in my body, finding pleasure in simple touch or movement or dance. That may also involve giving myself a therapeutic Yoni massage internally to release tension and blockages, increase sensation and activate my Yoni more. I'm sick of the classic clitoral stimulation thing and love taking the time to explore deeper internally and get to know myself better. I believe that these kinds of practices make us better lovers too!
What are three things you love about your body (that perhaps you've struggled with in the past)?
My curves - my big round breasts, my round ass and my soft belly. I spent part of my teenage years and early 20's hating my body. I thought I was so fat and disgusting, but looking back at pictures now, I can see that I was tiny! These days my body is much more soft, round and curvy, but I absolutely LOVE it! I have a deeper connection to my body than I ever have. I feel more pleasure than I ever have. I actually think it's natural for women to have soft feminine curves and I do my best to celebrate mine.
What are three things you look for in a lover?
Presence - the ability to be fully here with me, present with whatever arises.
Truth - a commitment to the deepest truth beyond the mind / ego / story.
Passion - a willingness to be intense, wild, crazy, weird, silly with me.
What inspires you to make love and enjoy sex? Do you feel more inclined to enjoy sex at certain times of the day/month/year?
Almost anything. Sometimes it's just a look or a touch, or a kiss, or just a feeling in my body - but the main thing is that I need to feel a heart connection. Sex is no longer just a physical act, I need to feel deep love and trust in order to really open to someone. As for timing, I definitely notice a spike in my sexual energy around ovulation!
Do you have any particular women in your life who inspire you to be a sexually empowered woman?
I am blessed to be surrounded by so many sexually empowered women as my close friends.
Some of the ones who inspire me the most deeply -
Elise Savaresse - my best friend and teaching partner, who is also a Yoni massage therapist and women's sexuality coach, her depth of feeling and being in her body blows me away.
Holly Wodetzki - Another dear friend and absolute goddess who teaches Devotional Erotic Dance - I'm doing her 6 week transformational course in Brisbane right now and loving it!
Do you have any re-occuring sexual fantasies? Tell us more:
Ooooh, so here's a secret. For someone who works as a sex coach and vagina specialist, I'm actually a bit vanilla in my own sexual exploration. I'm not so into crazy kinky stuff, I don't like being hit, I don't do anal, I don't fantasise about anything particular. I feel like fantasies can sometimes take me away from just fully being here in the moment.
I'm really into slowly building arousal and sexual tension - so that by the time we get to the act of penetration it's sooooo much more profound. Then I also love going into that wild, raw, almost animalistic place. I'm a simple girl, I get most turned on by really present, loving sex with someone I love deeply.
What rituals do you have for self-care and self-love?
Dance, movement, awakening the senses, just gently touching my body, taking time to relax and rest, just breathing and being with myself, Tantric yoga to move sexual energy, eating nourishing food.
My favourite ritual is Tantric breast massage with the delicious 'Heart Oil' from Shemana - liquid crystals, essential oils, bush flower essences and yumminess to activate the heart area.
How can people connect with you?
www.blissrevival.com (my personal website)
www.blissyoni.com (for my practitioner training)
www.elisesavaresse.com (for details of the Yoniverse workshops)