Women On Top is an interview series that features everyday women from around the globe and asks them straight-to-the-point questions about their sexuality. Women On Top aims to inspire and grow a community of women who learn and grow from each other's sexual stories and wisdom. This week I interviewed Elise about her 21 day self-pleasure challenge, her love of Yonis, what qualities she looks for in a lover, and her daily rituals for self-care and self-love.
Name: Elise Savaresse
Hahaha, I like the plain sexual …
I can feel sexual energy with the ocean and trees or when the wind brushes my skin.
I have changed this so many time it’s not funny ...
I guess I am a Conscious Sexuality, Intimacy and Embodiment coach with a love for the Yoni.
What was the message your mother gave you about sex as a little girl?
My mother loved sex. I found a few of her kinky toys and dress ups … but it’s never something that we talked about.
I remember her telling me when I was 12 to use a condom if I was making love.
I wished she had told me to be in love and how sacred my body was but hey, you can not say what you don’t know.
I guess the sense that I was left with though was that it is something that happens behind closed doors and is secret.
Can you identify a moment when you feel you officially entered womanhood?
Not really actually. For a long time I was wondering when the time would come for me. I watched my sister transform and become a woman more from her behavioral change that her physical, but I didn’t see that in me. Of course puberty was a big time but so much was going on, I was out of my body most of the time ... I think I only started fully feeling like a women with the work that I have been feeling into over the last few years ... It was a gradual shift, not a moment.
How important do you believe it is to embrace your sexuality as a woman?
Wow. Well I actually don’t think you can fully feel like a woman if you don’t embrace your sexuality. That’s it.
And here I just want to mention that having sex doesn’t mean that you are embracing your sexuality.
I had sex for years without truly being connected, without truly being open, without truly being here in my body.
So even if you think you are very sexual, it may not mean you embrace your sexuality.
I used to crave sex so much and have lots of sex ... Did I feel fulfilled? No, and that ’s where the difference resides for me now.
Embracing my sexuality has opened so much for me, it feels like it has been a liberation really.
I feel so much more free to be me, to express, to feel, to be here in this body ...
How important is self-pleasure to you?
Hahaha, well I created a 21 day Self Pleasure Challenge, it’s one of my offerings … So I guess I must be thinking that it's pretty important, right?
Here's the thing, even if you have the most incredible sex with your partner, at the end of the day, if you don’t feel comfortable touching and pleasuring your own body … how empowering is that going to be?
And the fact is that so many women are just uncomfortable being with themselves and feeling what’s going on in their body. I find self pleasure to be one of the most powerful practices to learn to come home to yourself.
Also, it’s so easy for us women to go about our lives and not really pay much attention to our vagina ... we can’t see it, it’s inside but for way too many women this space is very mysterious and they don’t really know how to connect and “how it works”.
I know I was like this … I just wanted my partner to work it out.
However, our yoni is also a very powerful space, it connects us to our feminine essence, to our intuition, to our aliveness, to our power … self pleasuring is a way to reconnect with all that and much more.
What are three things you love about your body (that perhaps you've struggled with in the past)?
I actually love many, many parts of my body now but let's share the ones I used to not like.
I truly believe I have perfect breast even though they are not as firm as they used to be. I used to not like them when I was younger because when I was on top in love making, they would look pointy and not round and “perfect” like they did when I was standing … The thing we judge about ourselves really!!!
One day I decided, you know what, I am going to love my breasts now and started saying they were perfect … and now I totally believe it … Seriously they are ;)
Again I used to hate my feet because I have long toes and they are quite wide …. They weren’t pretty, so I thought. I used to hide them in the sand when I would go to the beach and talk to people. And then one day again, I got sick of it and started to just embrace them and you know the funniest things, ever since I have had so many people told me I have beautiful feet. It’s so hilarious.
I have quite wide shoulders … people always think I am some kind of swimming lady. I think I used to hate the part of me that showed strength, that applies to my legs too … as I thought to look pretty you needed to look small, gentle and petite ….
Now I love that I am strong, and I think the roundness of my shoulders is super sexy.
What are three things you look for in a lover?
OMG, 3 is soooooo hard, I know what I like!!!
Powerful, confident, slightly dominating hands that melt me open
Playfulness and curiosity
What inspires you to make love and enjoy sex (either alone, or with a partner)? Do you feel more inclined to enjoy sex at certain times of the day/month/year?
I am actually kind of always quite turned on when I have my period and it usually goes all the way until I ovulate.
I also definitely have a time of day … 1pm, 2pm seems to be my time … It must be my french upbringing … You know the siesta thing. I don’t know what it is, I love getting up early doing lots of things in the morning and after lunch I just feel like having a rest, a snuggle and mmmm yes pleasure.
Something that definitely inspires me to make love is playfulness. If you can get me intrigued, excited and curious … oh la la… And if you add some loving domination to the mix… You have me :)
Do you have any particular women in your life who inspire you to be a sexually empowered woman?
Bonnie Bliss who I created the Yoniverse workshops with ... we have been running these workshops all around Australia.
She is amazing in her ability to feel orgasmic ecstasy on a regular basis … Just being around her activates me.
Layla Martin, for sharing so openly in her videos and really taking a stand, I admire her courage to do so. I know how confronting it can be.
Actually you know what, I think the most inspired I am is at the end of our Yoniverse workshop ... after our final ritual and all the women in the group share their experience of the day and how they have been transformed. They really are the ones who inspire me to keep doing what I am doing and fully be an empowered woman not only for myself but for every other women.
Do you have any reoccurring sexual fantasies? Tell us more:
I don’t really have a recurring fantasies as I have lived and experienced many of my past ones …
What I do have though is an insatiable wealth of ideas for sensual, sexual dates.
Also I have been inspired by your writing lately I must say ;)
What rituals do you have for self-care and self-love?
In the morning, I light a candle in a beautiful statue of a woman that Bonnie got me. I feel into my heart and how I am feeling on that day. I take a moment just to be and I give myself a breast massage with beautiful heart oil.
I connect with myself often either through gentle touch/ caress, by bringing my awareness to certain parts of my body, breathing into my Yoni and through consciously moving in a way that turns me on.
That is probably what I do the most as it doesn’t require much time and can be done anywhere and it makes me feel good instantly.
Jumping in the ocean and taking the time to fully breath in and feel the sand under my feet, the sun on my skin, the power of the ocean, the salt in my hair … I go down to the ocean almost everyday.
These are some of many of my self care practices… outside of my self pleasure practice of course ;)
How can people connect with you?