Women On Top is an interview series that features everyday women from around the globe and asks them straight-to-the-point questions about their sexuality. Women On Top aims to inspire and grow a community of women who learn and grow from each other's sexual stories and wisdom. This week I interviewed erotic film director, Erika Lust, about orgasms, porn, back massages, body image and masturbation.
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual
Occupation: Indie Erotic Film Director at XConfessions
What was the message your mother gave you about sex as a little girl?
Unfortunately absolutely nothing. My Mum was a very conservative person so she never spoke to me about it. I found out everything at school, as of course being in Sweden they have a great sex education system in place.
Can you identify a moment when you feel you officially entered womanhood?
I would say when I was around 13 years old. I developed breasts very quickly which attracted a lot of attention from men, with comments on the street, their looks etc.
How important do you believe it is to embrace your sexuality as a woman?
So important! We have to embrace it and explore it to it's full potential to find out what we like and don't like, and of course have fun and lots of orgasms! For too long women's ability to be able to freely express their sexuality has been suppressed, but we are now in a time where we have the freedom to do that; to explore, to learn and to be inspired.
How important is self-pleasure to you?
Again very important, as this comes hand-in-hand with embracing your sexuality. You need to explore yourself, find out what you like, what your kinks are, and of course have lots and lots of fun! There are so many benefits to self-pleasure and so many ways to do it now with all the toys on the market. And we should openly talk about it. Masturbation isn't a taboo anymore, and the more we know about ourselves, the more confident we can be with our lover, or several lovers!
What are three things you love about your body (that perhaps you've struggled with in the past)?
My weight, height and hair colour. Having two children of course makes things difficult when it comes to weight...then my height and hair colour are things that made me uncomfortable in the past when I lived in Sweden. I was so much shorter than everyone else and there's a pressure to be as blonde as possible there.
But now I'm in Barcelona and older I don't worry about these things. I have come to love them and I am very much a brunette now and loving it!
What are three things you look for in a lover?
Humour, passion, and good hands for a back massage. You wouldn't believe how important that can be and I have only just discovered this in the last few months and I've been with my partner for 15 years!
What inspires you to make love and enjoy sex (either alone, or with a partner)? Do you feel more inclined to enjoy sex at certain times of the day/month/year?
Honestly, the confessions I receive every day from people all around the world for my project XConfessions. There are so many diverse, fun and crazy fantasies out there that it makes me want to try more things all the time... some I have never even thought of. Of course though when it comes to the time of year, it has to be the summer of course!
Do you have any particular women in your life who inspire you to be a sexually empowered woman?
First and foremost, Linda Williams and her book Hardcore. It was the first book I read back at the University of Lund in Sweden that openly explored pornography, discovering it to be a discourse on sexuality with the power to liberate, educate and inspire, This was my eureka moment, when I realised I could make my own films with my own values and discourse on sexuality.
Errrmm, then when I was much younger, the film Thelma and Louise when Greene Davis has sex with Brad Pitt!
Do you have any reoccurring sexual fantasies?
Honestly, lately my book of fantasies is those on XConfessions.com, I love reading them every day and it gives me so much inspiration for so many different things.
What rituals do you have for self-care and self-love?
Baths, baths and more baths! I'm a Pisces so water is my thing so I love going to a Spa to pamper myself all day in the saunas, steam rooms and pools, or in a bath with a tonne of bubbles. It's my way of completely relaxing and letting go of the day's stress that come with running a company and managing family life, whilst spending some much need time on me!
Read more about Erika Lust at www.xconfessions.com