Women On Top is an interview series that features everyday women from around the globe and asks them straight-to-the-point questions about their sexuality. Women On Top aims to inspire and grow a community of women who learn and grow from each other's sexual stories and wisdom. This week I interviewed Kaitlin about self-pleasure, how she learnt to accept and love her breasts and butt, summer sex and mangos, and vulnerability and running kundalini energy through her body.
I've spent my life having defined myself as heterosexual, only having ever dated men, and then if I ever experimented with a woman I'd categorise that into the "oh I wasn't sober" box. As of late, I've definitely found myself delving deep into my own limitations and what keeps me where.
And to be honest I'm just a lover. I'm a people person and I love to love.
There are a lot of men I'm attracted to but also women ... so just because I don't necessarily act on that, doesn't mean that I should be hiding those parts of myself that just craves beautiful, soul defying, mind-syncing, wild fire love with anyone.
Occupation: I have no clue? Bit of this, bit of that as I zone into what lights me up!
What was the message your mother gave you about sex as a little girl?
Oh my lovely mother. .. it was very love and light and namaste for most of my growing up.
I have 6 younger siblings so there was a lot of love circulating the household, but sex just wasn't something spoken about.
My mother was brought up where there was a lot of shame around sex and/or being sexual, and to be honest that definitely fast became my own conditioning too. I remember getting in so much trouble because I found a cartoon book of "Where did I come from?" and after reading it feeling so much guilt and shame for being too young to know about those things. And still to this day, even though admittedly I tend to be quite entertained and fascinated by bringing up sex with my family, I can watch it catch them off guard and their own conditioning come up over and over. So, how blessed are they that they birthed a daughter like me to push those buttons haha
As I become more of who I am becoming, sex is something that I happily and openly share about with anyone and everyone if it arises. I can see where people are at regarding their own shame, guilt and privacy. However I just cannot connect to it. In my eyes something as beautiful as making love should be celebrated, indulged and created into an art form.
My intentions as a role model for my siblings is to do my best to empower them sexually, and plant the seeds that intimacy, real connection, our bodies, love, fun, self expression, and energy work is all a solid part of who we are in this experience ... and to embrace all of ourselves. The fun, the light, the dark and the sexy.
Can you identify a moment when you feel you officially entered womanhood?
Yes and no.
No, Because there is no initiation. Our culture doesn't allow that defining moment to be so prominent, so we kinda need to make it up for ourself. Yet our perception of what a woman has to be can be so altered by society that it may not even be clear to us.
If I were to speak from the standard point of view I could say, of when I had my first period, or lost my virginity, or learned how to cook, or when I started to feel girly *post puberty*.
But I don't think there was a moment. Being as young as I am there is a tug of war from my child hood and my womanhood.
It's a constant wave. I feel like a woman when I can handle myself. When I feel in tune with my own needs, dreams and desires. When I can hold myself in my emotions and be accountable for what I'm experiencing. And I feel like a woman when I am seen in my power, acting from a place of inspiration and liberation.
How important do you believe it is to embrace your sexuality as a woman?
I don't know if I would use the term sexuality, though It's SO important to recognise that deep within us is a solid longing for love and connection. Everything other than love is fear, right? It's okay to be sexual. It's okay to be attracted to people. It's okay to love yourself. It's okay to be a freaky sex goddess if thats what lights you up. Everything around sex that is shameful, guilt ridden, hidden, private, can all be an illusion. Just live into what's real for you. What sits right in your base and heart. I'm still learning every day what feels right for me regarding sexuality and it's so important to recognise what fears are ours and what fears are coming from outside influences.
The world is shifting fast and it's so exciting being around women who just want to love.
How important is self-pleasure to you?
Ha, yes. It's the bees knees. So much fun.
The best way to explore myself. How freaking epic is it that we have a body that allows us to feel so many different sensations. It's also such a great way to check in with myself and where I'm at regarding how I can connect to myself in that moment. I can't expect to connect to other people if I don't invest time and love into me.
In saying that though, making mad love, feeling body on body, breath on breath, eyes to eyes, that right there is next level. And of course my favourite.
What are three things you love about your body (that perhaps you've struggled with in the past)?
I grew up being so sensitive regarding boobs. I had put big boobs on a pedestal and being a proud member of the itty bitty tittee committee really triggered me.
However now, all boobs are just great. I have a new found love for my small chest and small boobs are so sexy.
Loving on my beauty spot in the middle of my forehead. Battled for years wanting to get it removed, running with the thoughts of "I wonder what a clear forehead would be like" but turns out what you resist persists. As soon as I fell in love with my spot nobody ever brought it up again.
And third, my butt. Only because I never had to work for it, so I just have an appreciation for my genetics there. (Thanks, mum).
What are three things you look for in a lover?
I look for someone who is genuinely fascinated and inspired by the world around them. Who sees the sunrise and gets excited over the magic, and then can turn to me and tune in naturally to my magic, their own magic, and the energy we create together. Always exploring, always curious.
Someone who can drop in. Essential. If they can be present with me, see me and allow themselves to be seen by me, that's such a turn on. Drop in and tune in. Being present with themselves is huge. Can they tune in to what they need, and hearticulate their feelings to me? Read the energy floating around, and flow like the water in that?
And next level sex. I used to feel shallow and guilty for admitting that. Personality is so important too. I need humour, and vulnerability, and kindness, and love etc. But without electrifying, earth moving, pulsating, erupting, flowing, fun, exciting, present, love making ... then we may as well indulge as beautiful friends rather than intimate lovers.
What inspires you to make love and enjoy sex (either alone, or with a partner)? Do you feel more inclined to enjoy sex at certain times of the day/month/year?
Certain times of the day yes. Everyone raves about first thing morning sex, but to be fair I'm just not feeling all that sexy when I wake up, need to pee, have a dry mouth, and sleep in my eyes. Let me do my teeth, stretch and i'm all yours.
Summer is the best. Thunder storms wrapped up in each other, or days walking around naked, cutting up fresh mango and wondering how that turned into juicy love making is just... *breathes deeply*.
When I feel good, I want to make others feel good. Everything about summer turns me on. Fresh juice, warm mornings, nude tanned bodies, salty hair, eating fresh, feeling fresher. mmm.
Do you have any particular women in your life who inspire you to be a sexually empowered woman?
For sure. Different phases I'm inspired by different people.
Women in my day-to-day life inspire me when they have their light bulb moments and just 'get it'. These are bodies, we are animals, we want love and connection. It's okay to be sexual.
Basically ANYONE in my life who embodies a healthy sexual relationship with themselves or others I froth over.
I find myself drawn to different people who inspire different parts of myself all the time so it's a constant adventure.
Do you have any reoccurring sexual fantasies? Tell us more:
If I give away all my fantasies then will they remain fantasies? I love that most of them are secret, and if you're the right person at the right time then you might be able to figure them out.
But there's always the basics out in nature, primal kinda stuff, and the spontaneous right here right now kinda stuff, and of course the oil massage, tie each other up type of stuff.
All of them stem from being desired, adored. Also having the satisfaction of giving rather than always receiving. Let me fulfil yours because that in turn fulfils mine.
What rituals do you have for self-care and self-love?
I love to wake up and have a chant session first thing. Drop into my feminine and run my kundalini energy through my body. Best way to zone in on my day, but also connect to self. I feel love when I let myself feel it, so allocating quality time with me is great.
I just like to listen to myself. Some days I want to feel pretty and womanly, so I'll dress accordingly, and do my hair and my make up. Some days I want to be indulged in other people, or eat great food. Other days I want to just do nothing. So allowing myself to listen to my body, and respond accordingly with what feels good is currently the best way I know how to love myself.
When I'm in a routine of eating well, Having smoothies, moving my body, being present and tuning in, I feel amazing. In my power.
(But to be fair, I'm probably the least organised human so it's a constant conversation with myself. Reminding myself if I do the thing I'll feel great)
How can people connect with you? IG? FB? Website?
Insty is where it's at, I'm looking for you all anyway. Let's just get connected quicker. If you're someone who reads this blog we are already friends. Come play - @kaitlin.howitt