Women On Top is an interview series that features everyday women from around the globe and asks them straight-to-the-point questions about their sexuality. Women On Top aims to inspire and grow a community of women who learn and grow from each other's sexual stories and wisdom. This week I interviewed Kirby about motherhood and sex, her obsession with Jemima Kirke, her love of her hands and feet and her self-love rituals.
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual
What was the message your mother gave you about sex as a little girl?
Nothing. My mother & I never had that "birdz & beez" chat, we didn't even speak about "becoming a woman" (menstruation). I learnt most of my sex ed from school, TV & girlfriend magazines hahaha.
Can you identify a moment when you feel you officially entered womanhood?
I think it happened the first time I found myself saying NO to a boy... at that awkward time in my teens (we all remember that stage & the decisions we made, not all good - cringe). I was about to turn 15 and it seemed as though everyone was starting to "do it", so the pressure was high and I made a promise to myself to be confident in my decision to hold off until I was ready and not scared out of my mind. There was a certain empowerment in sticking with my gut and remaining confident in my body and what I did with it.
How important do you believe it is to embrace your sexuality as a woman?
Very important! I think it's important to love yourself & truly know yourself in order to be able to enjoy experiences with others & in turn be in-tune with what they enjoy as well. I feel that sex is all that much funner with a partner.
How important is self-pleasure to you?
I haven't delved too much into self pleasure as I really draw excitement & pleasure from the interaction with my partner & the whole "giving & receiving" element.
What are three things you love about your body (that perhaps you've struggled with in the past)?
I have grown to love my thighs (well I'm still growing). We all know teenage boys can be meanies and the one comment that remained with me was always "Thunder Thighs" (a real classic!).
I love my hands & feet (weird one I know). I love them more with each wrinkle & freckle that appears as they show my journey & continue to change.
My eyes & anyone's eyes will always be my favourite thing about the human body... they can't help but scream truth and beauty in all their forms.
What are three things you look for in a lover?
Fun - light hearted
Confidence - firey
Intimacy - awareness of my wants & needs
What inspires you to make love and enjoy sex (either alone, or with a partner)? Do you feel more inclined to enjoy sex at certain times of the day/month/year?
I think sex is great for the soul especially when it's with the one you love. It can relieve stress & tension between a couple, it can also cement the bond present between a couple. Being a first time mum sex is very much intwined in time management now-a-days. Funny enough I do miss those moments of waking up in the early hours of the morning to "is that a flash light poking me in the back?"... that spur of the moment passion. It's still there, just in a different way. Taking advantage of alone time when we see it makes sex & that moment of intimacy with my lover all the more special. I tend to feel more present and enjoy the connection between us.
Do you have any particular women in your life who inspire you to be a sexually empowered woman?
No one in particular. Although wait, I'm actually a little obsessed with Jemima Kirke from GIRLS - both her character & her as a person. She is strong and confident in her body & oozes sex appeal while being what main stream society would consider the opposite of a sex symbol. I think it's the doing her own thing/I don't give a F@#! vibe that has me hooked.
What rituals do you have for self-care and self-love?
I recently moved to a home that I can finally fill the bath at! So having a bath with candles and a glass of wine and really taking the time to look at my body & relax in the water... this brings me back to centre. I think it's really important to be aware of your body as it grows & changes each day & to love those changes rather than have them creep up on you! I'm also a die-hard tea drinker, everything about the whole ritual of tea drinking says self love & cup of goodness to me.