Women On Top is an interview series that features everyday women from around the globe and asks them straight-to-the-point questions about their sexuality. Women On Top aims to inspire and grow a community of women who learn and grow from each other's sexual stories and wisdom. This week I interviewed Lauren about sexuality as sacred dance, seeing vulnerability as power, self-pleasure, and exploring sex with other women.
Sexual Orientation: Bisexual
Occupation: Intuitive Guide
What was the message your mother gave you about sex as a little girl?
My family demonstrated a healthy comfortability with their bodies which organically translated across to me. Sex was a relatively open conversation within our home. While I at times felt embarrassed to have these (often) dinner table conversations, I was also curious. The message I received was to be confident in my body, expressive in my nature and feelings, and respectful and discerning with whom I choose to be intimate with.
Can you identify a moment when you feel you officially entered womanhood?
For me this is an ongoing process. I really started to ponder what being a woman was and meant at age 25 when I then still felt like a girl. Now at 34 I definitely feel like a woman. I also recognise this feeling of being a woman is only beginning...like a great adventure! Deepening and strengthening as I step into me. I guess that’s the strongest and clearest correlation I can make - that the further I step further into myself, the more I feel my woman-ness and my feminine power.
How important do you believe it is to embrace your sexuality as a woman?
Super important! Sexuality is self expression. Sexuality is a sacred dance and sharing of the soul. It is an unfolding. And it can be expressed at all times, not just within the bedroom.
It is opening up a part of yourself. You can choose to allow it to flow out playfully in your vibe everyday, while keeping the rest tucked away to only reveal the rest to a select person. Sexuality is empowerment. It is the beauty and dance between soft and fierce. Sacred and open. Giving and receiving. Being in your power while being vulnerable.
Sexuality is allowing yourself to be seen. And it is a journey. Not a destination. It is something you create not fake.
How important is self-pleasure to you?
Pretty important. To me self pleasure comes in many guises. To give pleasure to another for me can be so satisfying that I don't need to orgasm myself. And to pleasure myself alone doesn’t always have to mean masturbation.
Self pleasure (with another person or alone) is not satisfying for me if it is not connected. I mean, I can “get off” but my hunger isn’t quenched. I seek union. A heightened experience of hotness and sensuality thats connected. To create that with yourself and/or with another is pretty important. I’m after the big feels! And big orgasms!
What are three things you love about your body (that perhaps you've struggled with in the past)?
Ohh... this is tricky. I love and appreciate my body more after having 3 children. My breasts are softer and droopier, but I like them better now. I'm pretty sure my vagina looks different too...I'm working my way towards feeling more comfortable there.
I like how my body moves, which I used to restrain and disallow.
I like that I can express myself through my body.
As for specific body parts - well I still struggle with certain parts of myself but... that’s a process of love and acceptance. I can do the love/hate war on myself! Ha! I'm female. But mostly I just appreciate her (my body).
What are three things you look for in a lover?
Can he meet me emotionally, mentally, spiritually, sexually?
Is he comfortable with a woman freely expressing her creativity, femininity and sexuality, or is he confronted?
And fun! Can we play together well? Being silly and stupid and child like.
What inspires you to make love and enjoy sex (either alone, or with a partner)? Do you feel more inclined to enjoy sex at certain times of the day/month/year?
I notice I become quite naturally aroused just before my period. Sometimes even on my period, which seems a little odd. And ironic! As well as at ovulation.
But what inspires me to make love and enjoy sex is being seen and met and inspired by my lover. The play. The humour. The wit. The conversation. The connection.
Freedom and the feeling of inner freedom inspires me to make love and enjoy sex. That can be the freeing feeling of being seen and enjoyed as a person by another, or simply being in a moment of recognising that in myself and therefore desiring to pleasure myself.
Do you have any particular women in your life who inspire you to be a sexually empowered woman?
I am inspired by authentic women, women whom I can feel they own themselves. I don't have to know a woman personally to be sexually empowered and inspired by them. I just have to feel them. Feel their vibrancy. Feel how they back themselves. That is sexy hot! And it makes me what to embrace more of my own lusciousness.
Do you have any reoccurring sexual fantasies? Tell us more:
While I know I couldn't be in a long term relationship with a woman, I am so turned on by the female form and the feel of femininity and being with a woman. I have enjoyed exploring my sexuality with women and do fantasise about having further opportunities to explore this again should it naturally occur.
What rituals do you have for self-care and self-love?
Ritual, self-care and self-love are very organic and evolving processes for me. I love a bath. I love soaking and massaging my feet. I love buying myself flowers. I love dressing to match my mood and vibe, this makes me feel sexy even when I'm in jeans and a shirt.
I think self-love, ritual and self-care evolve and should evolve because we’re never the same. We’re always evolving, growing, changing too. So… keep it spicy!
You can find out more about Lauren at www.innerhue.com