Women On Top is an interview series that features everyday women from around the globe and asks them straight-to-the-point questions about their sexuality. Women On Top aims to inspire and grow a community of women who learn and grow from each other's sexual stories and wisdom. This week I spoke to Lia-Belle about her struggle with body image, what inspires her to make love, her relationship with her wife, clean white sheets and her amazing reoccurring sexual fantasy.
Sexual Orientation: Lesbian
Occupation: Co-founder at Worn & Post-Grad Psychology Student
What was the message your mother gave you about sex as a little girl?
Rather than direct messages or advice about sex, both my parents instilled an idea of openness regarding sex. Openness and equality. My parents always slept naked and sex was spoken of openly, not just within our direct family, but also with uncles, aunts and grandparents. An extended family discussion about sex over dinner was/is not uncommon, with everyone contributing their own views and personal experiences. Sex is not shamed or secretive, in contrast it’s something we do as human beings and we share our experiences and empower ourselves in doing so.
In my family the women's role was as the head of the home. and because a mother is a respected one, and my father often displayed actions of sexual want for my mother in front us, sometimes she would greet these gestures with warmth, sometimes not, depending on how she was feeling. Seeing this instilled in me the knowledge that anything to do with sex is my decision, and ultimately an act between two people who love and respect each other. I’ve never had a one-night-stand, and I’ve never had sex outside of a relationship because of this. If someone wants access to my body, they have to earn that access.
During my teenage years, and even into my adult years, my mother has always been informed of the details in my life, including my sex life. I think the only reoccurring questions that were raised during the transience of relationships of the last ten years were, ‘is this person worthy of me, are they the right person to share my sacred self with’. As a result I ended up marrying the most incredible woman who loves and respects me more than I ever thought possible, even exceeding my mothers own hopes for my future life partner. My parents, and my mother set a subconscious standard for the kind of love I will and will not tolerate, and ultimately, how extraordinary someone has to be, to be the right person for me.
Can you identify a moment when you feel you officially entered womanhood?
I have a very young spirit and sometimes I feel like I’m still 22 years old and ‘playing’ grown up. I’ve also had body issues most of my life, so I feel a disconnect between my heart, mind and body. Sometimes this means I don’t ‘feel’ sexy or womanly or in touch with my feminine. Being a woman and all that it entails is something I’m working on.
I can say though, that the sex I have with my wife has made me feel the most in touch with my female power than ever in my life. Since being together we have both enjoyed experiencing and experimenting with all kinds of sexual power play and role-play which made me feel very womanly. I truly believe a healthy sex life empowers both people involved and also helps to work as a method of healing.
At the moment we’re trying to have a baby. The idea of my body changing to accommodate this, as well as the strength between us as a couple, makes me feel womanly. I have a feeling the next chapter of my life is when I will feel I have officially entered womanhood. I’m desperately looking forward to it.
How important do you believe it is to embrace your sexuality as a woman?
I believe you’re not completely a woman until you’ve embraced your sexuality. A woman's sexuality is her source of life, her power, her purpose and her source of strength.
How important is self-pleasure to you?
Self pleasure was something I discovered at a young age, I think I was eight or nine, and I still take great pleasure from it. Knowing your body enables you to embrace yourself sexually and show your partner not only what you like, but how you like it, and for the both of you to engage in bringing you to ecstasy. I know a lot of people, not just women, who don’t feel comfortable in sharing with their partner what it takes for them to come, they don’t want to feel embarrassed or make their partner feel inadequate, or maybe they just don’t even know how to bring it up. But to be honest, if you can’t be honest about what feels good for you, then you’re never going to have mind-blowing sex. Good sex changes everything, be it with yourself or others.
What are three things you love about your body (that perhaps you've struggled with in the past)?
Being a dancer from a young age I have strong leg muscles. For years I hated that I didn’t have long lithe legs, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve realised the strength in my legs means I can cling to them with great strength. A dancers strength. I’ve learned it’s very sexy and dominating.
My butt. I have a booty. It’s perky and when hipster jeans were in fashion I couldn’t wear them because then wouldn’t cover my whole butt. My wife says it’s my best ‘ass-et’ (she told me to write that).
What are three things you look for in a lover?
Strength (a strong sense of sense, physically strong, emotionally strong enough to support the both of us in tough times)
Intelligence (a need to be inspired, challenged, I need someone I can learn from and who wants to learn from me, someone who seeks knowledge and experience, emotionally intelligent)
Integrity (a sound moral compass, knows themselves and has strong values and beliefs, someone who does the right thing – not necessarily the easy thing)
What inspires you to make love and enjoy sex (either alone, or with a partner)?
Reading Anais Nin, to her and to myself
Dirty (filthy) gin martini’s
Role-playing at darkly lit bars
Pushing each others sexual and emotional boundaries by trying new things (essential for growth y-know!)
Clean white sheets
Do you have any particular women in your life who inspire you to be a sexually empowered woman?
My wife, My mother, Karley Sciortino, Susan Sarandon, and Juliet Allen.
Do you have any reoccurring sexual fantasies? Tell us more:
My wife fucking me whilst a gay guy is fucking her from behind. Another gay guy standing above me jacking himself off. We all come at the same time, the guy jacking himself off comes on my tits.
What rituals do you have for self-care and self-love?
Hair removal. Meditation. Having my own hobbies and places/spaces to go that are just mine – be it online or in the real world. Friends – their love, support and honesty is essential in life. A healthy diet and occasional juice cleanse. Long baths with Epsom salts. Mani/pedi’s. Date nights where I dress up and feel and look good. Lace underwear. Secret single behaviour – the stuff you do that you don’t want your partner to see (plucking ingrown hairs from your bikini line, plucking your eyebrows, face masks, hair masks, making crispy skin baked potato chips from scratch and eating them in bed with heaps of gravy whilst watching ABC iview. One-on-one time with my dogs. Reading. Baking.