Women On Top is an interview series that features everyday women from around the globe and asks them straight-to-the-point questions about their sexuality. Women On Top aims to inspire and grow a community of women who learn and grow from each other's sexual stories and wisdom. This week I interviewed Melissa about the moment she entered womanhood at age 36, her wild sexual fantasy that came true in Cuba, and her daily ritual of covering herself in chocolate to inspire sex and self-pleasure.
I love men. But as they are few and far between, I also love a woman when with a man. I have yet to be with a woman alone. Yet one of the MOST divine things on this planet to me is to kiss a woman.
To kiss a woman and to be fucked by a man ... that's me in a cacao shell.
Writer, Chocolate Maker, Bad Ass Jungle Mama, Vegan Chef, and LOVER of all.
What was the message your mother gave you about sex as a little girl?
WOAH. The message I received loud and clear was that as I was a girl I therefor was a sinner, a threat, a liability (when it came to secrets around sexuality) ... sex was a dirty secret. Fear based, knowledge poor and only trouble could lay ahead.
Any conversations were filled with anger, annoyance and nerves. There was no joy ever portrayed and if I was ever to come home pregnant or with pink hair I would be thrown out of home ... sex was scary business.
Inevitable, but totally under the carpet. Shame Shame Shame.
Can you identify a moment when you feel you officially entered womanhood?
I had recently separated from the father of my child (my son was 2 1/2 at the time) , I was clean and sober and I was entering a sexual relationship without alcohol and substances for the first time. In fact, it was a verbal agreement to have this sexual experience for me witout the add on's of mind-numbing devices. I was so scared.
It was the first time I was ever really properly fucked. Fucked completely and utterly as a WOMAN. I remember him taking me and devouring me like nothing else and I felt my whole being shift from innocence ... wanting, hoping and believing there had to be more. I felt I had arrived into myself. I was 36.
How important do you believe it is to embrace your sexuality as a woman?
More than important. It's as necessary as having your greens every day.
We have come through the dark ages of hysteria where women were either sent to mental institutions or the doctor to be relieved from her madness ... embracing our sexuality is taking the righteousness of our being and radiating it as our true gift to all around. An under-fucked woman, a woman not in her radiant self through her sexuality and sensual self, is a sad woman indeed. And her grief permeates to all around her.
How important is self-pleasure to you?
Self Pleasure is my yoga.
It comes with the dawn of my day, it is my manifestation tool and my way of being. Self pleasure is not always about orgasm. It is a way of being. Pleasure in eating, in holding my child, in skinny dipping every morning in the waterfall on the land in the jungle where I live. Self pleasure is when I connect my womb, yoni and heart as the hummingbirds buzz at my window at sunrise. My pleasure, self pleasure and pleasure of life itself is the breath of my being. Since making my self pleasure my yogi way of life, the hum of the universe is my biggest turn on and I feel like I am an extension of the erotisism of mother earth.
What are three things you love about your body (that perhaps you've struggled with in the past)?
I have so gotten into my bum. I actually left Australia to live in Central or South America because I missed the constant appreciation for being a WOMAN. Here on this continent the more juice you have to sway as you walk, the more you are appreciated. This is the land of being a woman in a woman's body.
I have always had body issues of not being skinny enough etc in the cut throat world of perfection of the west. I used to run every day to keep my bum in check. Now I just swing it out, side-to-side, smiling from ear to ear.
I LOVE living in a country that enjoys flesh on women.
I love my shoulders.... when I wear a dress that is strapless I feel great.
And I Fucking love my MIND.
What are three things you look for in a lover?
Okay ... Confidence. Humour, and the audacity to walk into my house and do the dishes.
What inspires you to make love and enjoy sex (either alone, or with a partner)? Do you feel more inclined to enjoy sex at certain times of the day/month/year?
Ovulation brings out the 'I need sex now' woman ... at times there is no time for discretion.
Other than that, all day in my home ... if my child is not at home, then an empty house is a damn fine turn on.
One inspiration is right now as I write this ... there is a half-naked man in my kitchen cooking me pancakes and opening coconuts ... a man that cooks and uses a machete.... I am done for.
Long walks in the jungle and deserted beaches with the sun shining on naked skin and late nights drinking cacao shots.
Making chocolate, covering myself in it, is a sure way to begin any great love-making session with myself, and it is one lucky man or woman that gets in on that one.
Do you have any particular women in your life who inspire you to be a sexually empowered woman?
Elise Savaresse, Bonnie Bliss, Kim Anami, Jade Mason, Kristin Sweeting Morelli and the grandmother of Tantra, Caroline Muir.
Do you have any reoccurring sexual fantasies? Tell us more:
YES ... a few.
Two men at the same time.
A man and his woman ...
A man pleasuring me whilst I am sitting at a restaurant ... he could either be under the table, or just have his hands under the table.
And there was a fantasy of a some tall black man throwing me against the wall of a courtyard, not knowing his name etc ... and that one came true ... IN CUBA .... I nearly missed my plane because it was so good and I kind of forgot myself!
What rituals do you have for self-care and self-love?
As soon as I wake in the morning I place my hands on my heart, womb and yoni in connection and say I love you I love you I love you, Thank you Thank you Thank you.
When ever I am putting on oil, or exfoliating my body, I always smile into it and moan and appreciate my woman-ness.
I make a chocolate coconut body oil which I use every day ... I cover myself in chocolate every day.
I eat chocolate every day.
And there is this rock down the river away from the small waterfall and water hole I swim at, that I put a rug on, take my coconut oil with me and self pleasure nearly every day there. In the rain as well.
The Jade egg.
How can people connect with you?