Women On Top is an interview series that features everyday women from around the globe and asks them straight-to-the-point questions about their sexuality. Women On Top aims to inspire and grow a community of women who learn and grow from each other's sexual stories and wisdom. This week I interviewed Roshni about healing from sexual trauma, embracing her sexuality as a woman, her sexual fantasy that involves another woman, and animalistic attraction to others.
Name: Roshni Rebecca
Sexual Orientation: Typically heterosexual, but just plain sexual.
Occupation: Women's Vitality & Success Coach, Professional Performer & Creative Philanthropist.
What was the message your mother gave you about sex as a little girl?
The message was (loud and clear): Sex is BAD, not condoned and should only be 'done' after marriage. There was a lot of fear around sex growing up – in my family, heritage, religion & culture – which was the fundamental root of my entire personal suppression. Resurrecting my sexual identity to myself was the greatest & most liberating thing have I done yet; it released a huge part of my 'anxiety disorder' and unlocked the door to embodying my full potential.
Can you identify a moment when you feel you officially entered womanhood?
Sometime two years ago, when I 'found myself.' Post sexual trauma and the lowest point in my life, I was brought to science-based healers who helped me unearth the shame, guilt, grief & loss that had been building up inside of me for almost ten years. A month-or-so later of body, emotional and epigenetic work, I suddenly started meditating (but had no idea what I was doing) and I had found this inner, nourishing space of absolute peace. Next moment, I found myself living this monastic life, of meditating almost 3 hours everyday on my balcony, later learning that this progression was Tantric Buddhism.
I had experienced a consciousness, spiritual and sexual awakening. It was deep, divine and delicious. I became incredibly introspective and insightful to the human, feminine and sexual condition, and felt so lusciously connected to myself. I could feel every inch of my body and internally felt my yoni started to wake up. It was the first time I had ever felt fully alive, so incredibly embodied, and actually knew myself and who I was. It was a completely healing and profound experience.
How important do you believe it is to embrace your sexuality as a woman?
To me, embracing your sexuality as a Woman is SO IMPORTANT! For me, it is vital and necessary to living a happy, healthy, peaceful & successful life, and unlocks the cage to total freedom. In my understanding, it's what creates our vitality as women, helps keep us going in a functional sense, and is the gateway to our inner Power and natural life force. Most importantly, it's a huge part of my identity – not as an external expression, but rather as an internal knowing. I believe that Sexuality is the thread which weaves together our very construct, life and nature as Women. It's so central to living a nourishing life.
How important is self-pleasure to you?
Self-pleasure is one of the most self-defining things I have ever experienced. I used to think that my personal pleasure relied on others – sexually, recreationally and generally – and therefore didn't take responsibility for my happiness. Until I started to take my pleasure into my own hands (pun unintended) I didn't know what it meant to take responsibility for myself, my joy or my life. Ultimately, it taught me that I can live a self-defined and pleasing life, deliberately doing self-gratifying things for myself, that I wish to be consciously and authentically self-expressed, and that I am totally capable of experiencing actual pleasure in its greatest heights, in all facets of my life.
I learnt that self-pleasure – sexually and non-sexually – is the core of Love, being naturally derived from self-love, and the act of self-loving and self-nurturing. Without this practice, I'm not sure unconditional love or love itself would be grasped, or self-love or self-acceptance could be accessed. Without it, I believe I wouldn't have been able to truly discover my own power and authentic independence, nor have been able to explore my ever-expansive creative potential.
What are three things you love about your body (that perhaps you've struggled with in the past)?
1. I love my flabby bits, my curves and the all of the parts which contribute to my shape as a naturally voluptuous and sensual woman. I used to think my hips, stomach and thighs were 'fatty' and generally unattractive to men and other women (plus, being a dancer had its conventional pressures.) But now, I absolutely adore my deliciously-full and unapologetic bits!
2. My Breasts: They're just plump and delicious (haaay, I said it!) and I feel they contribute to my feminine energy and embodied female power.
3. I love my body's ability to Sense – feeling warm touch against cold skin, tasting sweet nectar of fruit (or other things), the scent of a person ... My senses allow me to experience life's absolute pleasures in so many different ways.
What are three things you look for in a lover?
1. Authentic Connection: I choose lovers with whom I have a natural connection, and whom are interested in connecting (with me and/or themselves) on an authentic level. I enjoy spending my time in relationship exploring where my curiosity is sparked and I have a desire to get to know this person on a real & raw level.
2. Honourable Intention: I choose lovers whom desire to have an equally intentional and respectable life experience with me. People who show up with a deep reverence already instilled within themselves and a humble sincerity. It takes a certain vulnerability and integrity to show up this way which, to me, edifies the maturity of a person and the truths of where their relational desires come from.
3. Mutual Animal Attraction: If a lover isn't feeling physically attracted to me like I am for them, then where's the fun? Though I enjoy connecting on all levels, I really enjoy my time more when my partner wants to ravish me! It's more than looks too – it's an energetic pull, a cellular magnetism. If that heat and chemical desire ain't there, it could...well, I don't know – I've never been with someone to whom I haven't been attracted!
What inspires you to make love and enjoy sex (either alone, or with a partner)? Do you feel more inclined to enjoy sex at certain times of the day/month/year?
What inspires me most is when I'm feeling deeply ecstatic, joyful or totally juiced up within myself, creating this deep appreciation for life and an awesome inner experience, which I then wish to share outwardly. Whether it's from having practiced something sensually-opening like sitting in stillness, dancing freely or having my senses tantalised in some way. It's like my cells are having a yummy party, like love expanding and is revealing abundance. A high gratitude which manifests in my body – so much so that it vibrates intensely on a physical level – and I have nothing but desire to express it in a physical way.
I'm usually more inclined to enjoy sex when I'm clearer in my body and mind, and my spirit is in flow, from practicing awareness and being a lot more still. I find I'm generally healthier and happier where I have more access to experience more of what life actually has to offer. My senses are heightened, open and responsive – I feel, see, smell, hear and taste so much more. Ultimately, when I make it a priority to create life as an orgasmic experience, I desire for and naturally have greater sex and love-making.
Do you have any particular women in your life who inspire you to be a sexually empowered woman?
I have particular girlfriends who just ooze sexuality, self-comfort and a natural, inner confidence which inspires me to harness more of that within myself. When I get to witness these women in their natural state, where their sexuality reveals itself to be effortless and organic, it's a beautiful reminder that it's not about deliberately turning anything on, but rather being more comfortably grounded within myself. That's when true sexual empowerment shows itself and shines through.
Do you have any reoccurring sexual fantasies? Tell us more:
That I do – I've not yet had the absolute privilege of being with a woman. I'm letting that opportunity arise naturally, in the right time and space. I feel there is so much to learn, express and appreciate from sharing an intimate space with a woman. Other than being highly erotic for me, I imagine it would be a deeply spiritual, honourable and authentic experience.
What rituals do you have for self-care and self-love?
My main rituals are my morning practice, where I spend time in silence nurturing myself through meditation, yoga, dance and gratitude. Depending on where I'm at, I might even do a breakthrough session on myself.
Deep breathing, feeling cleansed and renewed and experiencing a deep joy and love which I can carry throughout my day are my main intentions. I also take breaks between work to reconnect and reembody, and meditate before I sleep.
Hot baths and hot yin yoga are a weekly must, too, as well as fortnightly maintenance gifts of acupuncture or massage. Connecting with my girls and doing a thing with them, and going out to social Latin dancing, are beautiful self-care and self-love rituals of which I wish to practice more and make a priority.
How can people connect with you?