Women On Top is an interview series that features everyday women from around the globe and asks them straight-to-the-point questions about their sexuality. Women On Top aims to inspire and grow a community of women who learn and grow from each other's sexual stories and wisdom. This week I interviewed Susana about what she looks for in a lover, the specific moment she entered womanhood, her long-distance relationship and her self-pleasure practice.
Name: Susana Frioni
Sexual Orientation: Bisexual
Occupation: Erotic Empowerment Coach. Sacred Dance Facilitator. Host of the LOVE SEX DESIRE Podcast
What was the message your mother gave you about sex as a little girl?
I don’t remember receiving any direct messages from my mum about sex when I was little. I do, however, remember my mum catching me in the midst of “you show me yours and I’ll show you mine” with another young boy and removing me from that situation pronto. We were only 3 or 4 years old.
So with that said, I guess I received an indirect message that you shouldn’t get caught exploring your sexuality or you’ll be in trouble. That might explain the thrill I get from doing something I shouldn’t.
Can you identify a moment when you feel you officially entered womanhood?
Giving birth to my daughter. I was 21.
How important do you believe it is to embrace your sexuality as a woman?
I believe our sexuality is directly connected to our vitality and our super powers. If those things matter to you, then embracing your sexuality is a must. From personal experience, I think it’s essential and it’s one of the reasons why I do the work that I do.
How important is self-pleasure to you?
Self-pleasure is one of the cornerstones to creating a thriving partnership. Knowing what brings you pleasure and giving yourself permission to indulge in those pleasures is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself (and your intimate relationship).
What are three things you love about your body (that perhaps you've struggled with in the past)?
My booty. The Kardashians weren’t around when I was going through high school so having a (latina) booty was so not cool back in the 90’s. It wasn’t until I moved to the city for uni and met some special American friends that I was convinced otherwise.
My boobs. During my teens and early twenties, I always wanted bigger boobs (mine were non-existent). Unfortunately, the positive self-talk and visioning skills that I applied to my sporting endeavours weren’t as effective in changing my body. It took falling in love with a woman in my mid-twenties to fall in love with my boobs. But I love them even more these days - having extra body fat definitely has it perks!
My brows. Let's just say I’ve had some tragic brow shaping experiences over the years that I no longer risk putting these beauties in the hands of just anyone. There’s only one woman I trust and I’ve been seeing her for over 10 years. I have her to thank for saving my brows when they needed saving the most and for maintaining them.
What are three things you look for in a lover?
Presence, playfulness and passion - someone who has a lust for life.
And…I have a fourth. Physical strength and endurance. Say no more.
What inspires you to make love and enjoy sex (either alone, or with a partner)? Do you feel more inclined to enjoy sex at certain times of the day/month/year?
My desire to merge. To be at one with my partner, my Self, and God. For me, sex has always been a portal for deeper healing, nourishment, connection and transformation.
Certain times such as day/month/year don’t influence my enjoyment of sex, but they do influence my wanting of sex. The more intimate I’ve become with my menstrual cycle, the more I’ve noticed how consistent my desire for sex peaks during ovulation, a few days before I bleed and, occasionally, during my period.
What turns you on? Like REALLY turns you on?
Ha! I’m easily turned on. Seriously, putting on a sexy pair of panties turns me on. Feeling the wind caress my skin turns me on. Hearing some sexy beats, eating orgasmic food, dancing in the rain, catching a whiff of something that smells amazing, fresh bed sheets...it all turns me on.
I will add though, that witnessing someone in their element and really owning it is also a big turn on for me.
Do you have any particular women in your life who inspire you to be a sexually empowered woman?
Right now, I’m inspired by the women who have mastered their craft in the realm of burlesque. One of these women is Dita Von Teese (aka the Queen of Burlesque). I saw her perform recently at my very first burlesque show and I was super impressed. It’s one thing to be confident in the privacy of your own bedroom, and it’s another to be confident on a stage, under the spotlight, in front of thousands of people owning your naked body and intentionally using it to seduce others.
I’m also inspired by any woman who is wide awake, deeply embodied and, most importantly, whose integrity feels super solid, especially when it comes to her sexual energy.
Do you have any reoccurring sexual fantasies? Tell us more:
I’m currently in a long distance relationship, so I’ve noticed that the only consistent thing about my sexual fantasies/imaginations right now is that they all include him. As for the content, it’s less about what we haven’t yet experienced and more about what we have...and desire to experience again.
What rituals do you have for self-care and self-love?
My favourite (and most consistent) self-care ritual is my daily Body Love Ritual that I do in the evenings. It always starts with a cleansing shower and finishes in my bedroom with a whole body rub using oils or lotion. It also includes my night time skincare routine, brushing my teeth, flossing, grooming, the occasional full body scrub etc. In other words, all the basic hygiene stuff but done with a whole lotta love and deep appreciation for my sacred body.
How can people connect with you?
Instagram - @SusanaFrioni.
Website - SusanaFrioni.com