Women On Top is an interview series that features everyday women from around the globe and asks them straight-to-the-point questions about their sexuality. Women On Top aims to inspire and grow a community of women who learn and grow from each other's sexual stories and wisdom. This week I interviewed Tiff about her recent discovery of her bisexuality, her struggle with self-pleasure and her religious upbringing, what she looks for in a lover and what really turns her on.
Name: Tiff DeLancy
I recently became reconnected with my sexuality, after being completely cut off for some time, which helped me to realise and recognise that I am bisexual. This has been kind of a big deal & reality shifting, considering I have been in a heterosexual marriage for nearly 8 years! My husband has been incredibly supportive, encouraging, and loving through this process.
Yoga instructor, birth doula, aromatherapist, and lover of supporting & empowering people; women & mothers in particular.
What was the message your mother gave you about sex as a little girl?
I don't really remember an actual "birds and the bees" conversation per se, but I do remember my mama approaching me as a young teenager to let me know that if I were engaging in sexual activity, then I should be upfront with her so I can be protected (aka birth control). That was basically the extent of my introduction to sex, which for me felt quite closed off and extremely lacked any education regarding the emotions & feelings that come along with being sexual with others, as well as the weight of that decision.
Can you identify a moment when you feel you officially entered womanhood?
I'd have to say that pregnancy and birthing my babies empowered me to connect with a fierce Feminine strength within myself which I hadn't ever tapped into previously. And now that I've just turned 30, I'm feeling more and more like I have entered womanhood, although in an entirely different regard.
How important do you believe it is to embrace your sexuality as a woman?
Being someone who has had a difficult and strained relationship with my sexuality and only recently begun to heal those wounds, I am noticing how sexuality is truly linked to the flow of all other aspects of our being, and I now see it as the centre of our connection to ourselves.
I think it is absolutely essential to embrace our sexuality as a woman (or man for that matter), and that includes accepting every and all aspects.
How important is self-pleasure to you?
Self pleasure is something that I also have had a hard time with, due to having sort of skewed perceptions. Coming from somewhat religious backgrounds, I felt a lot of shame and guilt regarding masturbation, and never fully allowed myself to explore my body in a positive and healthy manner. Self pleasure is just another facet of my sexuality that I am working to heal, and I am currently creating a habit to practice regular self love by exploring and getting to know my body.
What are three things you love about your body (that perhaps you've struggled with in the past)?
This is a struggle for me!
1. My butt. It always used to be so flat and I've been working on building muscle and I am loving how it's changing and growing.
2. My pubic hair. I used to not like having any hair down there, so much that I received several sessions of laser hair removal. But now that I've let it grow a little bit and keep it nice and trimmed, I love it. It makes me feel sexy.
3. My eyes. I love the deep blue colour and how they slightly change shade according to my mood.
What are three things you look for in a lover?
Deep & meaningful connection, authenticity/honesty, open heartedness.
What inspires you to make love and enjoy sex (either alone, or with a partner)? Do you feel more inclined to enjoy sex at certain times of the day/month/year?
I definitely notice that I feel more sexual both when I'm ovulating and menstruating. And actually in pregnancy as well, I have had some of my most erotic and sexy sex while pregnant. Those hormones really effect me and get me going!
What turns you on? Like REALLY turns you on?
Little boobs, no bra.
Expressing my fantasies out loud.
Licking a woman's nipples.
Orally pleasuring my husband.
Making my lover orgasm.
Do you have any particular women in your life who inspire you to be a sexually empowered woman?
Juliet, you have inspired me in so many ways! Listening to your podcasts has helped me to become more open with my sexuality, embrace sex, and have the courage to talk more openly about sex without feeling embarrassed. You've reminded me that sex is nothing to be ashamed of and no matter how we choose to enjoy sex, it's all a natural & normal & amazing aspect of life!
My friend Ashley, who opened up to me about her sexuality and helped me to open my eyes to accepting and acknowledging my own.
My friend Kat, who recently started her project @sexpositivefemale, has inspired me to be more open in speaking of sexuality & sexual pleasures.
The list goes on ... I am forever thankful for all of the many amazing and inspiring women in my world.
Do you have any reoccurring sexual fantasies? Tell us more:
I have one very constant sexual fantasy, which has been lingering in my mind for a few years now. The thought of being with my husband and a woman at the same time is like the ultimate dream for me! There are so many variations that I've thought of in my mind about how this all could happen, but mostly I think about how I'd love to go down on her while he's fucking me from behind ... or be on top, riding him, while she sits on his face ... or her licking my pussy while he's inside of me ...
Those are just a few of the many scenarios that I often think about.
I mean with my recent realisation & acceptance of the fact that I love women, how could I not fantasise about this?!
Also, the idea of having sex in a public place or in front of people sounds crazy hot to me. For some reason the thought of being intimate & on display totally turns me on.
What rituals do you have for self-care and self-love?
I am a lover of water, so I enjoy taking baths with essential oils, romancing myself a little while drinking a glass of wine, candles lit and all ... super cliche I know!
I really really love to swim nude in the ocean. Feeling the waves crash against my bare body is one of the most amazing sensations I've ever felt, the salt water caressing my skin sends ripples of pleasure throughout my entire body.
How can people connect with you?
I am on Instagram : @namastetiff
or FB : Tiff DeLancy