Women On Top is an interview series that features everyday women from around the globe and asks them straight-to-the-point questions about their sexuality. Women On Top aims to inspire and grow a community of women who learn and grow from each other's sexual stories and wisdom. This week I interviewed Vanessa about her fascination with crystals and self-pleasure, her reoccurring sexual fantasy that involves chocolate, what she looks for in a lover, and the message her mother gave her about sex a a little girl.
I am attracted sexually to people, regardless of gender, however I have only ever had romantic involvements with men. I am also intrigued with the term Ecosexual - which is being attracted sexually to the earth, since I have such a relationship with my crystals.
Occupation: CEO and Founder of Chakrubs, the Original Crystal Sex Toy Company.
What was the message your mother gave you about sex as a little girl?
At a very young age sex and sexuality were typically met with a mixture of disgust or romanticism. Feeling my nipples innocently was cause for my mother to react in disgust, however, saying "ew" (in that way children do) when viewing an on-screen kiss I was met with a different kind of backlash. It seemed as though when it came to romance, sexuality was OK, but pleasure for pleasure's sake was not something to feel free about.
Can you identify a moment when you feel you officially entered womanhood?
To be honest, I'm not so sure about this one. I remember becoming aware that I had blossomed when I began to receive attention from older men, but this doesn't feel completely right to say I had entered womanhood when noticing mens' reactions to me. Part of me feels like womanhood was reached only recently, when I began making love (not just having sex), and feeling divine feminine essence coursing through me. Part of me feels like womanhood was entered when I spent months in the red wood forest with other women, who taught me about respecting the self and other women by calling each other Goddesses. Maybe it has been entered again and again at different stages in my life. Not to say that I've ever left womanhood, just that there are times when I reclaim it.
How important do you believe it is to embrace your sexuality as a woman?
Personally speaking, it is a priority for me to embrace my sexuality as a woman. Having gone through past life regressions I understand that sexual trauma has been a cornerstone of my spiritual journey. The way I know to eradicate this is through embracing sexuality in the here and now, accept and un-attach myself, and to feel, feel, feel.
How important is self-pleasure to you?
I have based my life's work on the discovery of self-pleasure through crystals. Chakrubs began because in 2011 ... I wanted to begin exploring self-pleasure, but I couldn't find any toys on the market that I felt connected to. When I realised that crystal was a material that I wanted to use for self-pleasure, I searched and searched and could not find anything. At this time I was working at a sex toy shop, and decided to go ahead and start designing my own sex toy line made with crystals. I of course was my own first customer, and Chakrubs helped me uncover emotional blocks preventing me from feeling pleasure, and helped me reclaim my body so much that I would experience orgasms like I had never experienced before. Today, Chakrubs are sold worldwide and are helping thousands of women and couples release shame, deepen connectivity and create more self-awareness. Self-pleasure and the acceptance that it is a priority has completely changed my life.
What are three things you love about your body (that perhaps you've struggled with in the past)?
I love my breasts. I love my crooked feet. I love my spine.
What are three things you look for in a lover?
Willingness to evolve. A desire to give pleasure. Nurturing energy.
What inspires you to make love and enjoy sex (either alone, or with a partner)? Do you feel more inclined to enjoy sex at certain times of the day/month/year?
I tend to feel a spike in arousal mid-afternoon. I'm not sure why. My beloved and I don't live together, but usually around 3pm I will send a little message expressing my desire to feel him. Self-pleasuring happens throughout the day in micro doses. I love to feel different textures, smell pretty scents in my body lotion, stretch my body, etc. There are times when I will take to have a session with my Chakrubs, this varies as it could be every morning for a week and then nothing for a few days.
Do you have any particular women in your life who inspire you to be a sexually empowered woman?
Oh my goodness. I know so many women who inspire this in my every day life.
@Rachel_Roze_cuccia, @NatalieJhane , @calientechica , @EvYan.Whitney , @PsalmIsadora , @lecoledesfemmes , you of course! And so many more. I am so honoured to know these women personally or through friends. Their presence in the world itself is empowering.
Do you have any reoccurring sexual fantasies? Tell us more:
Yes. One day I would like to eat the most decadent chocolate cake while receiving the most decadent oral sex.
What rituals do you have for self-care and self-love?
Bath, journalling, good body lotion, chakrubs. The rituals I do can be very simple, or very intricate, depending on the needs I have in the moment and the phase of the moon.
How can people connect with you? IG? FB? Website?
I'm on Instagram and twitter @chakrubs - and you can find me on Facebook with the same name. My website is www.chakrubs.com