Women On Top 007: Layla Metcalfe
Women On Top is an interview series that features everyday women from around the globe and asks them straight-to-the-point questions about their sexuality. Women On Top aims to inspire and grow a community of women who learn and grow from each other's sexual stories and wisdom. This week I interviewed Layla about nudity, 50 Shades Of Grey, what she looks for in a lover (hint: massive willy?) and who inspires her to feel sexually empowered.
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual
What was the message your mother gave you about sex as a little girl?
There was never a strong "sex" message given to me as a little girl. I don't remember a significant conversation from my parents about the birds and the beez.
We did have the book "Where did I come from" on high rotation and my parents actually look exactly like the cartoons in the pictures, so it was very real and easy to understand that willy's get bigger and hairier.
As an older little girl there was a video that was hilarious that miraculously appeared in the TV room called "SEX" that me and my brothers and sisters 'accidentally' stumbled across. It wasn't my parents personal sex tape!!!!! Thank god!!! It was a baaaaad 80's/ Degrassi Jnr High 'condoms on cucumbers' video. The kind that you watch in class in high-school when it's raining. Lots of mullets and teens with zits.
I think this video was my folks attempt at accidental sex ed.
Can you identify a moment when you feel you officially entered womanhood?
I'm a work in progress.
I don't think there has been a single defining moment, but rather smaller milestones that every girl goes through. Falling in love, getting your period, having your heart broken, making career decisions, facing women's health issues... all of these kinds of things encourage the transition of girl to woman and sorting the boys from the men so to speak. I suspect these events continue to be presented in different shapes and forms as I grow older, wiser and wrinklier.
How important do you believe it is to embrace your sexuality as a woman?
I've never considered my "sexuality" as something I feel I have needed to define for myself or anyone else, let alone need to embrace or accept it for something separate to me as a whole.
I operate on 'I am Layla hear me roar', rather than 'I am woman hear me roar!!'
How important is self-pleasure to you?
Self pleasure is hugely important, but comes in many shapes and sizes...not just sexual self pleasure. Taking care of myself and spoiling myself when I feel it's deserved is self pleasure for me. In the sexual arena, I much prefer intimacy with a lover over playing solo. Sexual self pleasure is in the repertoire, but not something I specifically set time aside for.
What are three things you love about your body (that perhaps you've struggled with in the past)?
I don't know if I LOVE anything about my body specifically, let alone 3 things.
I do love how my body feels when I'm healthy and fit and I have a sweet caramel tan.
When I've been doing lots of yoga and am feeling strong, flexible, stretchy and relaxed.
I LOVE freckles. I have 6 of them and it's pure love for every one of them. I just wish I had more.
What are three things you look for in a lover?
A massive willy, carpenters hands and a treasure chest of cash to take me on adventures and spoil me rotten...??
But for reals...
1. A curious mind - someone who is interested and questions the world around them. I think this is a sign of some intelligence. I want to be with someone who stimulates my mind, challenges me and pushes me to learn.
2. Funny/ silly/ doesn't take life too seriously. Someone who shares the same funny bone that I do. Someone who can appreciate a fart joke, thinks I'm hilarious and is comfortable being a silly dickhead.
3. Someone who loves the shit out of me. Head to toe. Inside out. And isn't afraid to let me know. all the time.
What inspires you to make love and enjoy sex (either alone, or with a partner)? Do you feel more inclined to enjoy sex at certain times of the day/month/year?
Getting salty is great for inspiring rudeness.
When I'm feeling sexy or general nudity.
Anytime/All the time.
Do you have any particular women in your life who inspire you to be a sexually empowered woman?
Juliet Allen, sexologist extraordinaire. Over the last 10 years I have watched her evolve as a women with a huge sexual presence and confidence different to anyone else I know personally. She inspires me to explore and question things that I may not have thought to do so on my own accord. (props)
My 'lil sis is a sexy, sassy and strong woman. She is a psychologist wizard and teaches me very cool things about the human mind and relationships.
And actually my brother, who is not a woman, but is a closet feminist and all about girl power. He gives straight up, no bullshit advice on all topics and has saved my decision making life many times.
Do you have any reoccurring sexual fantasies? Tell us more
I'm ridiculously cliched. 50 Shades Of Grey kinda stuff.
Not firemen or nurses outfits.
But I'm the typical vulnerable victim woman - wanting to be desired, seduced, ravished and forced to be done with whatever, however, whenever. If another woman happens to show up, I won't shoo her away.
What rituals do you have for self-care and self-love?
I try to take good care of myself 24/7. But indulge in:
* Marathon homeland Netflix session in the bath.
* Turning my phone off and going MIA for a couple of days.
* I meditate daily
* Meditation retreats a couple of times a year.
* I do yoga every day
* I sun bake.
* I try to do 'the Artists way' when I need a shake up.
* I see a Naturopath.
* I buy myself flowers.
Find Layla at www.mygoodnesswellbeing.com