Day Four - Friends, Family and Lovers
Friends, family and lovers - a HUGE and often emotive topic! Reality is, the people who we choose to spend time with on a daily basis have a VERY LARGE impact on who we are and how our life plays out. The consciousness of these people rubs off on us in weird and wonderful ways … many of us aren’t aware of this, and then wonder why we feel stuck, unhappy and unclear.
News flash, we are a product of the FIVE people who we spend the most time with! That’s right, the people who feature heavily in our lives directly affect our mood, attitude, belief systems, confidence, self-esteem, energy levels and often, sex drive. So, I want you to take two minutes RIGHT NOW to note down the FIVE people who feature most in your life. Don’t overthink your answer, just write down the five names (in the journaling suggestions below you will have an opportunity to take a closer look at how these five people are affecting your life).
Now don’t get me wrong, if your sister is going through a divorce, or your partner isn’t enjoying their workplace, that’s no reason to hate on them, or even dump them. Because reality is, life isn’t always easy, and our loved ones will definitely need support and love through the tough times in their lives. This is normal and natural. My advice in this instance though is that you support them as best you can, but FIRST, you support yourself. Always prioritise your own health and happiness, because if you yourself are feeling like your cup is full, then you can better support and love the people around you and not feel drained by their hardship.
On the other hand, if you have a family member, friend or lover who is consistently a pain to be around - whether that be that they are always negative, bitchy, complaining, depressed, in an unhealthy relationship they hate, abusive, drunk … or all of the above - then perhaps it’s time to take a good, hard look at why you continue to spend time with them? Are they adding to your life? Is it a gift in to be in their presence? Or are they just pulling you down with them? Now is the time to be honest with yourself ... there really is no better time than now to get clear on which friends/family can STAY, and which need to GO (or at least feature less).
Day Four - Audio
Day Four - Journaling Questions
On a scale of 1 - 10, how happy do I feel with my current friendships?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
On a scale of 1 - 10, how happy do I feel with the relationship I have with my family?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
On a scale of 1 - 10, how happy do I feel about the relationship I have with my lover/beloved?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
What is one thing I can do TODAY that will allow me to feel closer to a 10/10 about the relationships in my life (friends, family and lovers)?
Hint: you may need to ditch a friend, or limit time with family, or break up with your partner. I know these options may sound drastic, but a good spring clean of the people in your life is highly recommended if they are toxic beings. If they’re not toxic, then it’s time to celebrate and call all of your loved ones and tell them how much you appreciate them!
Write down the FIVE people who you currently spend the most time with in your life.
Next to each person, write down what that person’s relationship/belief system is with:
THEIR HEALTH & WELLBEING
THEIR INNER UNION
THEIR RELATIONSHIPS WITH FRIENDS & FAMILY
THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR BELOVED
THEIR RELATIONSHIP TO SEX
THEIR RELATIONSHIP TO THEIR CAREER
THEIR RELATIONSHIP TO MONEY.
Now that you have reflected on your current relationships, take time to notice if any of the relationships are toxic, or uninspiring. And on the other hand, notice the relationships that inspire you, uplift you and support your dream.
Is there a conversation I need to have with my beloved/partner/lover about our relationship? Perhaps there’s something left unsaid, or an apology to be made, or a deep desire that needs to be expressed? Journal about what you would say in that conversation (you don’t necessarily need to action the conversation, sometimes just writing it down can help).
How do I want to FEEL in my romantic relationship? (eg. protected, cherished, desired, loved, looked after, well-fucked … to name but a few). Next to each point, write down if that need is being met in your current relationship.
Day Four - Homework
1. Spring clean your friendship circle - this includes family members, too. This doesn’t mean you are breaking up with everyone, it can simply mean you are choosing to spend less time with the friends and family who don’t inspire you, and more time with the people who do. BUT HOW? I hear you ask. Well, there’s a few different ways that you can do this:
You can have THAT conversation with the person, being honest and open and telling them that it may be time to let go of the friendship.
You can simply choose to spend LESS time with them, prioritising other people over them. You may still see them every now and then, just not as often as you have been.
You can wean them out of your life. Slowly you see them less, and every time you do see them you are reminded of why it’s time to STOP seeing them. Sometimes it takes us a while to be able to let go completely, and that’s okay.
2. Call a friend, family member and/or lover who you adore, someone who supports you and inspires you to be the best version of yourself. Tell them how grateful you are that they are choosing to be in your life.
3. Write down which people in your life prioritise a healthy, happy and free sex life. Spend more time with those people! (And if you have nobody in your life who prioritises sex, then make it your goal to make new sexually liberated friends, pronto!)
4. Have THAT conversation that you need to have with your partner/lover about how you desire to feel, and what you need in the relationship to move forward with certainty and an open heart. This conversation may not be easy, but believe me, speaking your truth is worth it in the long run.
Day Four - Recommended Reading
The Way of The Superior Man - David Deida
The Queen’s Code - Alison Armstrong