As a child, I used to play a video game called Mortal Combat. The climax arrived with the sound of a booming voice and words flashing on the screen telling me to 'FINISH HIM!'
As an adult my ways of having fun are vastly different. Sex for instance brings me a great deal of pleasure both for physical as much as emotional reasons (there really isn’t anything like intimacy).
I also find stimulating my brain incredibly fun, and so, I read.
Recently I finished Naomi Wolfs 'Vagina' and all of a sudden Mortal Combat and sex had a through line.
How you might ask?
Finish him became…
Naomi Wolf explains in her eye-opening book, that studies have shown a growing trend in the amount of women who feel dissatisfied when it comes to their sex life, even if they are indeed, having sex. The major reason for this is that the language a woman’s body speaks is mostly unknown. Consider for instance that ‘…two thirds of women (cannot) have orgasms with penile thrusting alone’ (Wolf,187, 2012) and, as Naomi also points out, most Heterosexual Sex ends when a man ejaculates. Consider also that the female orgasm takes longer to achieve than a males. Sixteen minutes on average to a mans 4 minutes ‘…so when we talk about ‘normal sex’, the man ejaculates just when the woman’s body is just beginning to soften, open, relax into that beautiful…it’s over’ (Wolf, 283, 2012).
‘Normal sex’ is what is dissatisfying women.
These questions therefore must be begged; Why isn’t more time dedicated to the female orgasm, why can't a woman's orgasm mark the end of sex and why can't he ‘Finish Her?
I brought this up with a couple of male friends of mine who stated an important fact: a man can't do much more after he ejaculates. The penis often goes limp and the release of dopamine means yes, sleep is on the forefront of most men's minds.
But tongues don't slacken...
Fingers don't go limp…
I proposed the same question to women whose responses resonated with those Wolf shared, that they found in hard communicating what they need, particularly as what they needed took time.
But not spending the time means women get ‘blue balled’ almost every time - a term given when sexual partners get a man hard but then deny them their final orgasm. Funny actually in this regard that women don’t have a similar term considering statistics show that they experience it more. Could it be because it’s almost normal practice? Because a females orgasm isn’t valued as much as a mans orgasm? Perhaps. A mans ejaculate is for procreation. A woman doesn’t need to have an orgasm to produce a child. But surely in this day an age sex is more for pleasure than it has ever been. So why can’t equal pay also mean equal pay…off? Equal orgasm.
And so, I must propose that men and women communicate more so that men can indeed…
…Leave her panting, soaking between the legs, trembling and quivering. Make her leg-less and alive because, guess what? Women don't feel the need to go to sleep after orgasm. In fact, women are often ready to go again, and again, and again, and again…and men will only benefit from this:
‘Perhaps the lack of attention to this new information is the fear of implying a new ‘task’ – that of sexual muse and sexual artist – to be put upon male shoulders…I believe though that this hesitancy underestimates most heterosexual men’s interest in making the women in their lives truly happy- not to mention these men’s own vested interest in having sexually vibrant and joyful lovers, which in turn can help heterosexual men themselves happy’ (Wolf, 83-85, 2012).
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Author: Kate Ellis
Kate Ellis is a Writer, Poet, Drama Coach for television actors and a poetry, drama and literacy teacher to primary and secondary school students at a progressive independent Primary and Secondary school in Victorias Eastern Suburbs. Residing in Melbourne but working across Australia, Kate has a Bachelor of Arts majoring in Media and Sociology (UNSW), a Performance degree (Nepean) and a Masters in Education (University of Melbourne).
Read more on Kate's Blog HERE