How To Get What You Want (In Bed)


So there you are…in bed…enjoying sex with your partner…well not so much ‘enjoying’, let’s call it ‘having’ sex. Something is missing, you can’t pin point exactly what it is…but it’s missing. I know the feeling… it’s that feeling where it’s semi-pleasurable, but they’re just not touching you the right way…but you just don’t know how to tell them.

So how do you tell your partner that sex with them is average, and that you need it to be better? Having this type of talk with your partner can be terrifying to say the least. What if they’re offended? What if they feel like they're being criticised? 

The fact is, great sex will only happen when your partner knows what you want (and what feels amazing). So it’s time to bite the bullet and start communicating. How? Here are a few tips to help you out:

Focus on the positives

It’s easy to think of all the negatives, but it’s time to notice what it is you love about sex with your partner. Start with the positives. For example, when they’re doing something right and it feels good, up the ‘Ahhhhhs’ and ‘Oh that feels amazing’. This will give your partner guidance so that when they are hitting the spot (so to speak), then they will keep doing that (rather than continuing onto something that feels less than average).

Say What You Want

You won’t get what you want if you don’t ask for it. It’s ok to speak up and tell your partner what you like, and dislike. I encourage you to focus on telling them what it is you want to explore, alongside what it is you already love. Eg. Slower, faster, hold me, smack me, lick me, touch me here… the list goes on. Saying what you want is sexy, and shows you are confident and comfortable with your sexual side.

Practice, and then practice some more

Like everything else in life you won’t get good at something if you don’t practice. The more you explore, the more you will get what you want.

Published in the Gold Coast Bulletin August, 2015