Lesbian Sex 101: A How-To Guide For Beginners

Artist // @filippaedghill

Artist // @filippaedghill


What is ‘lesbian sex’? How do two women even have sex? I get these questions a fair bit and I actually get why it’s misunderstood; sex between two women isn’t spoken about enough, nor are we educated as children about it … so it’s no surprise that it’s a little tricky to understand.

So, today I’m here to impart some of my professional and personal knowledge and hot tips with you about beginners lesbian sex. This article is aimed for women who are curious, or wanting to have sex with women but don’t know where to begin. Oh and if you consider yourself an ‘advanced’ lesbian, sit tight, there’s more articles coming your way very soon. 

Before I commence, please note that I understand we are all experiencing woman-on-woman sex in very different and unique ways … I am in no way preaching the ‘truth’ about lesbian sex, simply speaking from personal experience (I was in a relationship with a woman for 5 years) and what’s worked for me, my friends and my coaching clients.

Here’s my top tips:

#1 Get to know your own pussy

You heard right … no point in trying to navigate your way around another woman’s pussy if you haven’t navigated your way around your own. Get to know her very, very well. I’m not saying every pussy is similar, in fact you’ll find that we are all very unique in how we look, taste, smell and feel. But the anatomy is the same, so grab a mirror and get acquainted with yourself today.

Check out a whole bunch of images of different pussys and read about pussy anatomy in Chapter 2 of my eBook, How To Have Great Sex Every Day.

#2 What pleases you will not necessarily please her

Just because you’re with another woman, doesn’t necessarily mean that she is wired the same as you when it comes to pleasure and what turns her on. Don’t assume you know what she will enjoy … take time to get to know her, a good place to start is by asking her what she enjoys (and what she doesn’t).

#3 Communication

As mentioned above, communication is the key to great lesbian sex. Remember it’s okay that you don’t know everything about lesbian sex, nor do you know everything about the woman you are with … we all begin somewhere. Be courageous enough to have open and honest conversations about sex with your new lover. And remember that when you’re in the swing of sex, listen to her breathing, the sounds she is making, and her body language … all of this is non-verbal communication and it’s vital that you tune into it because it will tell you what she enjoys, and what she doesn’t. Be present. Presence is key to amazing lesbian sex.

Read about presence in 3 Ways You Can Pleasure Your Woman Every Single Day.

#4 Mutual masturbation

Mutual masturbation is a fun way to enjoy sex with yourself, whilst also witnessing another woman have sex with herself. I find mutual masturbation very, very sexy. I also feel this is a really great way to enjoy sex together, without necessarily having to launch into fucking each other. It’s highly likely though that mutual masturbation with a woman will turn you on and you’ll have your hands all over each other in no time.

Of course, if you don’t currently masturbate solo, it’s time to start. Getting to know your own body and knowing how to pleasure yourself is step one in being able to experience pleasure and connection with other woman.

#5 Don’t be goal-oriented

It’s so easy to fall into the trap of ‘I want to make you cum’ … but orgasm shouldn’t be the goal of any type of sex. Firstly, most women know that when a lover is trying to ‘make us cum’ (and putting emphasis on that as the goal), it can feel like there’s pressure to get somewhere and deliver an end goal … and it often means we get all up in our head and don’t experience orgasm at all.

So, let go of the end goal of orgasm and instead focus on every single moment with your woman. Touch her with love and explore her entire body, enjoy every single moment without having to race to the finish line. Orgasm is simply sensation in the body, it’s not just a peak (often clitoral) experience. Every moment can be orgasmic, keep that in mind when you are wanting to pleasure your woman.

#6 Oral Sex

There’s plenty of different ways you can enjoy sex with a woman, oral sex is one of them. Remember that every woman likes to be licked and kissed and fucked in their own unique ways … take your time with her and only go down on her if you really want to. I say this because it’s pretty obvious when someone goes down on you and they’re not into it. So be authentic with what you enjoy, and what you don’t. 

Read about how to give great oral sex to women in my article, I Give Good Head: A guide to pleasuring women with your mouth.

#7 Fucking

Some may like to call fucking the main course, I like to think of it as another fun way to have sex with women (because after all, everything is ‘sex’ - kissing, touching, rubbing, oral, fingering, fucking with dildos etc). 

Firstly, start slow with your woman and make sure she’s lubed up before penetrating her. If in doubt, grab some organic coconut oil and massage it onto her pussy beforehand. There are various ways that you can fuck your woman; you can use your fingers (start with one finger and work your way up to more, depending on her comfort), a sex toy (my preference is a rose quartz dildo), rubbing your pussy against hers (more on scissoring in my next blog), dry humping, face-fucking (literally allow her to rub her pussy on your face), ass-play, ass-fucking with fingers and/or dildo,  fucking using your energetic cock (more on this when I write about Tantric lesbian sex) … the list goes on.

The possibilities are literally endless when it comes to lesbian sex … there’s SO MUCh to explore. Oh and it's good to know that not all women enjoy being penetrated in their vagina, and that's okay too.

#8 Keep in mind there is a giver and receiver

What I’ve found works best when I have sex with my female lover is that there is a ‘giver’ and a ‘receiver’. You may talk about this with your woman and decide that ‘Today, I want to give you pleasure … you are given permission to simply enjoy and surrender’. Or perhaps you don’t need to verbally choose who is in each role, because naturally there is one person who enjoys giving more, and one person who enjoys receiving.

The giver is often more penetrative, giving and present. The giver is pleasuring her partner and being acutely present and aware of what her lover wants and desires. Remember, if you’re the giver, don’t focus on the end goal of orgasm of either of you, simply be present in every moment and enjoy holding space for your woman to experience deep pleasure. 

The receiver is allowed to completely surrender and receive. This can be challenging for some women. Personally I find it hard to completely surrender to anyone, woman or man, however I am lucky enough to have a female lover who knows that I find it hard, and so she consciously supports me and holds space for me to let go and surrender in her presence.

#9 There are no ‘rights’ and ‘wrongs’ when it comes to lesbian sex

Just like any type of sex, there is no ‘right’ way to enjoy it … if you’re new to sex with other women, I encourage you to jump in the deep end and try it out. Perhaps lesbian sex will be your new favourite pass time, perhaps it will be a one-off experience, or perhaps you will fall into the arms of a woman and never look back. Either way, embrace your sexuality, and know that exploring lesbian sex is another gateway to deep pleasure and ecstasy in life.

Want to work with me 1:1? I offer sex and relationship coaching via Skype worldwide. Contact me here for more information,