Get Rid Of Orgasm Expectations


Every woman is different when it comes to their experience of sexual pleasure and their unique orgasmic pattern. Some women (aka the lucky ones) can reach orgasm at the drop of a hat, others take time and need to feel emotionally safe to reach orgasm, and many women haven’t experienced the ‘big O’ at all. Wherever you’re at (or your partner is at) with your ability to orgasm, is absolutely perfect for you. If you’ve never had an orgasm before, never fear, with a little education and patience, your time will come (pardon the pun).

So why do some women find it a challenge to reach the ‘big O’? I put it down to unrealistic orgasm expectations. Often, these expectations are created by men who assume that it’s easy for women to reach orgasm. After all, it’s generally easy for most men to climax, so it’s the same for women, right? False. Firstly, what most people don’t know is that women need direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. So if you’ve spent your life wondering why it’s not happening during penetrative sex alone, it’s time to start giving your clitoris (or your partner’s clitoris) some love. 

Another point to consider is that women need ‘warming up’ (aka plenty of foreplay) in order to get their juices flowing. Often a quickie is fun, but it isn’t sufficient enough to really get into the swing of reaching orgasm. I’m not slamming the quickie in any way, I’m just giving the forewarning that this style of sex doesn’t always give the woman time to warm up naturally. My advice, take your time. Make it about HER. To finish here is one of my favourite quotes:

"For those in deeply connected bonds the whole relationship is foreplay, and not just in a sexual context. Each conversation, each touch, each greeting, each challenge in some way keeps the juices flowing. There is no effort to be erotic, no turn-on strategies, no manipulation — but there is great passion, effortless and often instantaneous arousal, and a deep capacity for mutual ecstasy, unburdened by any pressure to get sexual.” - Robert Augustus Master

Published in the Gold Coast Bulletin in July, 2015