5 Things To Look For in a Great sex and relationship coach

Let’s get real. The world of sex and relationship coaching is booming - but not always in the best way. These days, anyone with a half-decent Instagram feed can claim the title, often with little to no real training or embodied experience.

This work is sacred. It’s deep, vulnerable, and transformational - and it deserves to be held with integrity.

Whether you’re looking for a coach to support your personal journey, or considering stepping into this field yourself, here’s what actually matters:

Relevant Study & Training.

This should be non-negotiable. I’m not talking about a two-day weekend workshop, a DIY online certification, or a seven-day ‘Tantra training’ in the jungle. I’m talking real, rigorous education - the kind that teaches you how to hold space, navigate trauma, and support others effectively in the realms of sex and relationships.

You have every right to ask a coach about their qualifications. And no, “I’m a life coach who just loves sex” doesn’t cut it.

Lived Experience.

This might just be the most important point of all. A powerful coach isn’t just trained - they’re walking the talk. They’ve been through it. They’ve sat in the fire. They’ve had relationships fall apart. They’ve lost themselves, found themselves, and done the messy work to grow through it.

You want someone who has spent years exploring sex, love, intimacy, and relating before ever claiming the title of ‘coach.’ The more experience, the better. The more relationships, the better. The more diverse their sex life, the better (yep, I said it).

Honestly? The best coaches are often older. They’ve lived. They’ve learned. And they carry a depth of wisdom you simply can’t fake. It’s absolutely okay to ask a coach about their life experience - and their age. If they dodge the question, they might not be the right fit.

Inclusivity.

Choose a coach who lives and breathes inclusivity - in their language, their study, and their personal exploration. If you’re in a same-sex relationship, working with someone who understands that dynamic firsthand is a huge plus. Exploring polyamory? Find someone who’s been there. Navigating heartbreak, divorce, or postpartum libido changes? Seek someone who gets it from experience, not just theory.

There is nothing more valuable than lived wisdom. I will die on this hill.

A Holistic Approach.

Sex isn’t just about sex. Relationships aren’t just about the relationship. Everything’s connected: your body, your emotions, your health, your upbringing, your lifestyle. You want a coach who sees the whole you - not just your genitals or relationship status.

Ideally, they’ll support you to look at the full picture - nutrition, movement, nervous system regulation, pleasure, connection, and beyond.

Trust Your Intuition.

A coach might have all the right qualifications, thousands of testimonials, and a massive online following - but if something feels off, it probably is. You don’t need logic to justify a full-body NO. Likewise, if someone lights up every part of you with a HELL YES, follow that.

You’re allowed to shop around. You’re allowed to take your time. You’re allowed to want the real thing.

Let’s be honest.

You wouldn’t take parenting advice from someone who’s never raised a child.
You wouldn’t go to a nutritionist who lives on junk food.
And you sure as hell wouldn’t let someone perform surgery on you without medical training.

So why on earth would you take guidance on sex and relationships from someone who doesn’t have the depth, training, or lived experience to truly support you?

You deserve the best. Choose wisely.