If Your Relationship is Failing, Here’s Why


Got the feeling your relationship is hanging on by a tiny thread and that the end is near? Feel like you’ve tried everything but it just doesn’t seem to be working? I know the feeling, I’ve been there before and it’s not easy. Before you give up, read on about self-abandonment and consider that if you re-connect with your self, your relationship may actually be saved.

When you abandon yourself, you make your partner responsible for you. I’m talking abandoning yourself emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially, relationally and/or organisationally. Self-abandonment can cause huge relationships problems and unfortunately is very common. The most common ways people abandon themselves are listed below:

Physical Self-Abandonment

Physical self-abandonment is when you refuse to take care of yourself physically. This includes eating badly, not exercising, and possibly causing yourself severe health complications. Looking after your health should be your number one priority because letting yourself go is not attractive and will have unwanted consequences for your partner.

Financial Self-Abandonment

Often people have an agreement in place regarding financial commitments within the relationship. If your partner has agreed to support you financially, then that’s awesome (and this doesn’t apply to you). On the other hand, if you refuse to take control of your own finances, and assume that your partner is responsible for the bills, then this will end in resentment and ongoing conflict. Take control of your financial situation and avoid trying to control how your partner spends their money.

Relational Self-Abandonment

If you stop standing up for yourself, and stop communicating, then your relationship is going to suffer. It’s important that you stand on your own two feet and fight for what you want. When you abandon yourself to your partner through compliance or resistance, you create a lack of trust that leads to disconnection and dissatisfaction. 

Published in the Gold Coast Bulletin, January 2016

Juliet Allen