Sex After Kids: Where Has My Libido Gone?


Most parents are familiar with the drill: we fall pregnant and are over the moon that we will be inviting a new soul into our lives … we give birth and our bodies are filled with feel good hormones and love … our daily routine fast becomes all about the newborn member of the family … we spend hours lovingly gaze into our baby’s eyes and, for a month or two, everything is absolutely perfect. And then it hits us, where the hell did our rocking sex life go? 

It’s a common and understandable challenge that many couples experience when they enter parenthood; the loss of libido and drive for the sex that once was. Let’s face it, parenthood isn’t all glitz and glamour, parenthood is full on. Yes, it’s a magical time and, as a Mother, I wouldn’t change a thing … but the demands of sleepless nights, breastfeeding, changes in hormones etc really does shake things up … and at the end of the day, couples struggle to make time for intimacy and connection, let alone mind-blowing sex.

So, what to do? How can couples rekindle the romance with kids in the picture? And what happens when the sex disappears and libido hits rock bottom? Here’s a couple of hot tips to spice things up:

Make time for each other

When our baby first enters our lives, it’s natural to want to spend all our time nursing and holding it. I’m all for keeping our babies close to our hearts. But it’s also super important to do the same with our partner’s. Set aside a time each week to connect intimately … this may be as simple as ordering takeaway and turning off the tv, or perhaps getting a babysitter and heading out for a couple of hours in-between feeds. Prioritising time together is essential for great sex.

Communicate, communicate, communicate

Never stop communicating how you feel. It’s so easy to push issues under the rug, especially because sex can be a sensitive topic. But if you push them under the rug it will one day explode and you’ll realise you’re at rock bottom and haven’t had sex in months. Don’t be afraid to ask your partner for what you need and remember to listen to what they need too.

Make time for self-care

New parents barely take time to take care of themselves and often fall into the trap of living in their pyjamas because they’re so exhausted! Prioritise your health and wellbeing; get a massage, acupuncture, manicure, therapy, take a bath … whatever it is you do that means you’re putting yourself first and taking time out. Doing this ensures that you have energy for you and taking care of your own health and wellbeing is only going to impact your relationship and parenting in a positive way.

This article was originally published on Mojoco 14th August, 2016.

Juliet Allen