The Art of Embracing Your Shadow and Doing the Work
Next time somebody in your life triggers you (aka annoys you, pisses you off, makes you feel angry, sad, frustrated ... generally puts your whole body & mind into a feeling of distress), I encourage you to take a few moments to reflect on why you feel so affected by this person? You see, it's easy to instantly react and blame, tame and shame others - to make them 'wrong', to bitch and gossip, or even worse, collude with others behind their back.
These types of 'triggering' feelings can often arise around family, friends, colleagues and lovers. An example "Mum is so controlling, I hate that about her!" or "That woman is too over-the-top! She's so opinionated and loud!" or "I hate how he has dealt with this situation, I wish he would grow up". You get the gist.
What I've learnt, is that what we don't like most about others, is often what we don't like most about ourselves. And so we judge others for being a certain way, and it triggers us big time, but reality is we need to own that part within us that's also like that. And, when we own it, it's easier to witness the behaviour and not feel so affected by their behaviour.
Here's an example - "Mum is so controlling, I hate that!" turns into "Oh wow, I feel triggered by mum because she's controlling. But in fact, I see where I'm actually really controlling too, and I don't like that about myself." And then when we have that insight into ourself, we can work with that shadow and transform it into an ally, not something we hate about ourselves!
And then sometimes you just don't gel with other people, and that's okay too. So, if someone is genuinely being unkind and has a yucky energy, and they're not a nice person to be around, I encourage you to observe this, WITHOUT getting all worked up about it. Instead, see them as a little boy or little girl (in an adult body) just screaming out for love. And perhaps they are behaving so outrageously because that's the only way they know how to deal with life. And that's okay. Doesn't mean you have to hang with them. Just means compassion & love comes into the equation and you can just send them love from afar and choose not to be around them!