How To Get What You Want (In Bed)

So there you are... in bed, having sex with your partner, but something feels missing. It’s that feeling where it’s semi-pleasurable, but they’re just not touching you the right way, yet you're unsure how to express it. How do you let them know that the sex is feeling average and that you need it to be better? Having this type of talk with your partner can be terrifying to say the least. What if they’re offended? What if they feel like they're being criticised?

The fact is, great sex will only happen when your partner knows what you want (and what feels amazing). So it’s time to bite the bullet and start communicating. How? Here are a few tips to help you out:

Focus on the positives

It’s easy to think of all the negatives, but it’s time to notice what it is you love about sex with your partner. Start with the positives. For example, when they’re doing something right and it feels good, up the ‘Ahhhhhs’ and ‘Oh that feels amazing’. This will give your partner guidance so that when they are hitting the spot (so to speak), then they will keep doing that (rather than continuing onto something that feels less than average).

Say What You Want

You won’t get what you want if you don’t ask for it. It’s ok to speak up and tell your partner what you like, and dislike. I encourage you to focus on telling them what it is you want to explore, alongside what it is you already love. Eg. Slower, faster, hold me, smack me, lick me, touch me here… the list goes on. Saying what you want is sexy, and shows you are confident and comfortable with your sexual side.

Be open to exploring and finding what works for both of you.

We all have different preferences and desires when it comes to sex, and it's completely normal for them to not always perfectly align. If you happen to find yourselves in this situation, instead of getting stuck in a disagreement, try to approach it with a sense of curiosity and a willingness to negotiate or try something new together. Be open to exploring alternative avenues that can satisfy both of your needs and create a comfortable and enjoyable experience. It's all about finding that sweet spot where both of you feel fulfilled and excited.

Practice, and then practice some more

Like everything else in life you won’t get good at something if you don’t practice. The more you explore and keep those lines of communication wide open, the more you will get what you want and create opportunities to experience pleasure and deepen your connection as lovers.