Many, many couples make the mistake of committing to someone because their heart centre says YES, but their sex centre was always NO. Or, their sex centre was YES, so the sex was fucking great, but deep down their heart and intuition always felt off. There’s so many different combinations of the YES’S and NO’S, but I find this process very handy when choosing who we interact with sexually and who we enter into committed relationships with.
The difference between what the masculine and feminine need in a relationship is BIG.
Everything about the feminine is about LOVE. And everything about the masculine is about FREEDOM. If you’re in your feminine, your value is LOVE and you want a partner in their masculine who fills your life with love. If you’re in your masculine, your highest value is FREEDOM, and you want a partner in their feminine who helps you feel FREE.
As women, when we allow ourselves to be penetrated by another, we open our pussy and womb space (and quite possibly mouth and ass) up to the consciousness of our chosen lover. We take them into us physically and, we take them into us energetically. We absorb their consciousness into our entire being. Often when this happens we open ourselves up to all sorts of emotions and feelings that impact us on a deep level in both positive and negative ways.
Next time somebody in your life triggers you (aka annoys you, pisses you off, makes you feel angry, sad, frustrated ... generally puts your whole body & mind into a feeling of distress), I encourage you to take a few moments to reflect on why you feel so affected by this person? You see, it's easy to instantly react and blame, tame and shame others - to make them 'wrong', to bitch and gossip, or even worse, collude with others behind their back.
Today I'm feeling to talk about vulnerability and sharing our truth as individuals. I'm sharing about this because it's something that I'm exploring deeply within myself and it keeps showing up in my life as a challenge. You see, I share a lot of myself on social media and with my friends, but often when it comes to intimate relationships, I've noticed I hold back a little ... it's like I don't want to be 'too much' - too opinionated, too sexual, too business-focussed, too spiritual, too loving, too alternative, too mainstream, too crazy, too horny, too hippy ... fucking hell, it's crazy how we can judge ourselves and keep ourselves small just to please others.
Yesterday was Mother’s day and it prompted me to think about life as a parent and the challenges we face juggling parenthood, work life, relationship life, and the all-important sex life. “What sex life?!”, I hear some of you sigh. Yeah well, I totally get it … parenting is FULL ON, kids can be demanding, and it’s super common for our sex lives to suffer as a result.
Let’s face it, women are not always easy to pleasure, nor are they easy to please. I know this because I am a woman, plus I’ve experienced sex with a number of women and wow, we certainly are all very unique in how we experience pleasure. If you’re reading this and relate, I’m here to give you a couple of simple tips and tricks that will guarantee increased pleasure that your woman experiences when she is with you next.
Lately I’ve received a lot of questions from readers and clients about how to survive break ups … so I thought I’d write about how I personally survived a break up last year.
So there I was, single again at age 34. Initially I went through a ‘free’ feeling … a weight was lifted off my shoulders and I felt like the world was my oyster. Then the cloud of reality set in, and I began to grieve the loss of my lover, my best friend, the step-parent of my child, my business advisor, my everything … it all disappeared and I felt a little lost, to say the least.
We all want to be enjoying ecstatic, orgasmic sex every day, right? “Yes!”, I hear you yell. Over the past few years I’ve written 100’s of blog posts about sex, and today I’ve picked my top 30 and put them all in the one place for your sensual reading pleasure.
As a Sexologist, sex-enthusiast and mother, I offer you the following advice: talk to your kids about sex, masturbation, intimacy & sexual energy from a very young age. And another piece of advice … if you’re reading this and cringing, I suggest you get to a a good sex therapist/coach and dive deep into sorting out the ‘stuff’ that holds you back from having these conversations … because trust me, if you’re not comfortable talking about sex, then your kids won’t be either … and so the cycle will continue through the generations.
Let’s be honest, what entails ‘sexiness’ in a man isn’t just good looks and charm … there’s a whole heap of other stuff that drives women crazy. Gentleman, if you’re serious about meeting the woman of your dreams, or at least sleeping with the woman of your dreams, then read on and take note.
Are you a lady in waiting attracting the prince whose looking good and going nowhere? Or are you a Queen ready for a King?
The lady in waiting can have a little bit of power by sleeping with a man and enchanting him with her sexuality. She can also have a little bit of power by meeting a man's desires, expectations and ideas of how his ideal woman should behave.
But she doesn't have legitimate power, because she is giving 80 per cent and he is only giving 20 per cent.
Kundalini Tantra is, in a nutshell, a practice that involves integrating and understanding both the masculine and feminine energy within us all (masculine and feminine qualities are within both female and male bodies), and gives us the magical skill of being able to circulate the kundalini energy within our body to become lighter, deeper and freer lovers and human beings. I’m a big fan of anything that brings freedom and connectedness into my life and relationships, and this workshop did just that (and so much more).
Why is it that people are hung up on the LGBTIQ labels? My belief is that labels box us into categories… which in turn gives the people around us some sort of understanding about who we are and where we ‘fit’ in. I don’t like the concept of labels, my wish is that we respect each other as humans and our sexuality doesn’t have to come into the equation if we are anything other than ‘straight’. But hey, labels are a huge part of our world, so what does that mean if we don’t seem to fit into any specific LGBTIQ category?
Many clients come to me and report that sex is boring … it’s quick and very orgasm focussed and there’s something missing. Often my clients can’t pinpoint what is missing, but they know that there must be more to sex than what they’re experiencing. That something is the connection and intimacy that they unconsciously desire with their partner/lover and they don't know it's missing because they've never experienced it before.
When we choose to be in romantic relationship with another human, we choose to bare our soul and open our heart… all the while knowing that it may not work, it may not be the ‘forever fairytale’ we heard of as children, and it may, in the end, break our fu*cking heart to tiny little pieces. Yet knowing all this, we still enter into relationship… because there’s nothing quite like love and sex and all the fun stuff that relationship entails.
What I’ve discovered about me over the past few months is that I’ve been really great at being the ‘strong’ woman. From a very young age I remember being proud of the fact that I was ‘independent’. This got me through my parent’s divorce, allowed me to travel the world alone at age 17, carried me through the break down of my relationship with my daughter’s father, and then got me through the ongoing homophobia I experienced when I came out as Bisexual and entered into a relationship with a woman.
One of the biggest questions I get asked as a sexologist is ‘How do my partner and I take sex from f*cking… to making love?’ Unfortunately, there’s no simple and easy way to answer this question because each couple is different, and each individual brings their own ‘stuff’ into the relationship. By ‘stuff’, I mean challenges from the past; childhood trauma, abuse, past relationship baggage…all the pain experienced as a human that is left unresolved, pushed down and not dealt with. Much of this pain prevents us from getting close to our partner. By close, I mean truly intimate, connected and spiritually united.
Women On Top is an interview series that features everyday women from around the globe and asks them straight-to-the-point questions about their sexuality. Women On Top aims to inspire and grow a community of women who learn and grow from each other's sexual stories and wisdom. This week I spoke to Sally about her rituals for self-love, her mother's influence on her view of sex, her relationship with her partner Mitch Gobel and her love of essential oils and swimming in the sea.
It’s a common challenge in long-term relationships; all of a sudden ‘life’ seems to get in the way of mind-blowing sex and we are caught in something I like to call a ‘sex rut’. Ewwwwww… a sex rut, sounds shocking, doesn’t it. The fact is, many couples reading this are nodding their heads and agreeing that their sex life has turned to crap.
Firstly, being busy does not equal success. I believe being busy (and using ‘busy’ as an excuse for not showing up in your life) is a bad excuse for not having an amazing life (including an amazing sex life). Fact is, we make time for what’s important in our lives…if your sex life is important, make time for it. No excuses.
Women On Top is an interview series that features everyday women from around the globe and asks them straight-to-the-point questions about their sexuality. Women On Top aims to inspire and grow a community of women who learn and grow from each other's sexual stories and wisdom. This week I spoke to Lia-Belle about her struggle with body image, what inspires her to make love, her relationship with her wife, clean white sheets and her amazing reoccurring sexual fantasy.
Firstly, what is womanhood? The dictionary defines womanhood as ‘the state or condition of being a woman’…I believe womanhood is a deeply personal journey that differs from woman to woman, therefore I don’t see one definition as ‘truth’. My own journey into womanhood began when I gave birth to my daughter in 2006. It was my 24th birthday and I spent it in the depths of the most beautiful experience of my life; birthing the love of my life into the world. From that day forward I felt different, I felt like I finally knew what it meant to be a woman, and I had a new-found respect for women around the globe.
As a sex & relationship coach I work with all sorts of people from all different walks of life; single women who want to know how to get more sex, women who feel shame and guilt around sex, men who want to please their partner more, couples who’ve lost their libido and want to know how to get it back…you name it, I’ve helped people with it. I absolutely love my job and love helping people transform their lives through coaching.
I’ve always wanted to explore Tantra and yet I’ve never met the right teacher who I truly connect with. Enter Dakini Chantelle; a gorgeous Shamanic Tantrica who I instantly loved. Chantelle is beautiful, authentic & says it like it is. There's no fluffing about with this woman, she's honest, powerful and even swears! Chantelle travels the world facilitating workshops and private healing sessions for people who want to tap into their true authentic selves.
Most of us will meet many different types of soul mates throughout our lifetime. Every soul mate will have their own unique purpose in our life and we’ll share a different type of deep connection with them all.
Ever feel so wrapped up and passionate about your business that it’s a challenge to find time for your relationship and sex life?Feel like you are torn between two lovers, so to speak? Successfully balancing business and pleasure is an art form that requires patience, passion, communication and great health.
It’s no secret that sex is great for your physical and mental, health and wellbeing. Regular, healthy sex is fun, pleasurable andcreates a unique opportunity to experience intimacy and connection with your partner. But what happens when business is busy and your fast-paced entrepreneurial lifestyle zaps you of any energy left to be intimate at the end of the day?
Infidelity is the ultimate betrayal. But does it have to be? Relationship therapist Esther Perel examines why people cheat, and unpacks why affairs are so traumatic: because they threaten our emotional security. In infidelity, she sees something unexpected — an expression of longing and loss. A must-watch for anyone who has ever cheated or been cheated on, or who simply wants a new framework for understanding relationships.
It’s January 1st, and I’m feeling adventurous. On my list of goals for 2016 I have written in bold: ‘Explore My Sexuality Even More’ . Naturally as a Sexologist it’s assumed that I’ve tried and tested almost everything… but the truth is there is always room for new experiences and growth and I truly believe that exploring my sexuality will be a life-long adventure.
So in the spirit of fun and ‘sex education’, I’m adding five new sexual adventures to my own bucket-list in 2016. No, I’m not going to share my personal sexual goals, ‘cos my sex life is mine, and I’m keeping it that way. However for your own pleasure, I have listed five new ideas that you may like to add to your own list. Perhaps you’ve already ticked these off, or you have other ideas that float your boat…either way enjoy 2016 and remember that owning your sexuality and sexual power is God damn sexy.